One of those fights.

After an incident the other day where meimei wrote something bad about her brothers and korkor wrote the forbidden word in it whilst didi wanted to show her friends what she did, I was flabbergasted and scolded them that 2 wrongs won't make a right, moreover that was 3 wrongs altogether.

And I began my little reminder to them...

1. 3 of them are siblings for life, when they are grown up and when we are not around anymore, they only have each other, whereas friends come and go, there aren't such things as best friends forever. (well, maybe if they are lucky like me, they could find one or two as life goes on...)

2. It's not anything to be proud of to bring his own sister down in front of her friends. He gets nothing at the end of the day and it's a big shame to him too.

3. Uttering the forbidden word or even writing it down is NOT cool AT ALL! I was furious! It only shows one has no mind of his own and is only following what others are doing.

4. In any case, they ought to reflect back on themselves why she wrote such things. Had they been good to her in the first place? Before pointing out the problem on others, take a look back and check whether the problem is from themselves in the first place.

On and on I repeated the same points. Though I am not in much contact with my brothers now, but I still love them very much and I know I can still depend on them when I need to. And it's a big privilege to have siblings to grow up together, rather than alone, being the only child. That is why I went through the hard labor of pregnancy, giving birth, bringing them up just so they have each other. And nothing pains me more than seeing my own kids in hatred. It's ok to have some fights now and then, but that should contain in the home, outside, they need to look out for one another.

Have I got this clear? When will these messages could ever stick to their hearts, minds, brain, blood and soul? Argh!!!!!

Lesson from a bolster fight

A bolster fight broke out last night between meimei and didi.

Somehow a bolster was swapped after the recent change of covers and didi had quietly swapped it back, but not exactly quietly since he just took the covers off both and left meimei with a bolster and its cover separated on her bed. Surely she would jumped foul and tore the house down with her cries and screams and I had to reluctantly take over before any bloodshed happens.

Eventually, 3 of us stood around with 2 naked bolsters and their covers on the floor, discussing on the background, the accuses, and the defenses. *roll eyes* all because of a teeny weeny stuff like bolster!

I wouldn't have bothered to blog this down though I would say, it's not easy as it seems. It's most common to just tell the big to give way to the small, but in this instance, because I know didi is the super fussy person who would be very unhappy and might even have a bitter and sour heart if he is forced to let go, I told him that he would need to ask for her generosity to let him have it if he wants it so much, and that it's not a good thing to say she's lying and it had been rightfully been his all the while.

As for meimei, I asked her if she could make do with the other "unwanted" bolster. I know she's ok with it, but I think it's this thing called ego that everyone is hard to deal with, more so with adults. Eventually, she said ok, then I went to her and hugged her, telling her, it's always great to have a bigger heart and people with big hearts would be abundant with a lot of good things in future. I'd say to her, though usually it's the big korkor who would let the younger ones have the leeway more, but I am SO proud of her that she can let her  2-kor has his so she is really the bigger person. Then, didi thanked her (after I prompted) and everyone can go to bed finally! Yay!

I want to make a note in here that maybe one day, the kids would need this advice and be reminded, when you thought you lost a battle, in actual case, you won in other so many areas.

We are all money minded.

Since couple of months ago, I started giving the kids their monthly allowances or pocket money for them to make savings a habit.

They have 20 bucks each month and they are required to keep an accounts book on their expenses and a record of any other monies that they might get, like 10 cents for buying papa's newspaper, or finding a lucky 10 cents from a corner of our car or receiving 50 bucks angpow as bday pressie from popo etc.

Then there are some bonuses or deductions for their book keeping records exercise.

For making the effort and diligent in noting down the expenses and income.

For balance tally.

For saving all the money without spending any cents at all.

I told them, by the end of the year, they can spend 10% of their savings on whatever they want, and then maybe 10% doing some charity, and the rest to their bank account.

So, the kids have been getting rich, didi figured out not spending any money at all would be best, as he wouldn't need to write anything and another bonus for saving all his money. hmm... he's right, isn't he?

I suppose the plan can't be too perfect.

Then as time goes by, we are talking about paying for everything around here!

First, I was furious that didi had not been appreciating all his stationery I bought for him. So, I made it a house rule. I would only get their basic necessities for their schooling needs only once or twice a year, that's beginning and middle of the year. After which they have to buy whatever they need themselves from their own pocket money they saved. Like mechanical pencils (which keep disappearing), exercise books (which keep scribbled on for no kind of reason), pencil leads (which keep lying around on the floor waiting to be swept away), tumblers (which keep misplaced here or there somehow) and many others which they would have to take care and use wisely.

Once didi had no more leads, and wanted to take from korkor. They both fought and I played referee by saying korkor can sell one to him, if he needs it desperately. So korkor said ok, 1 lead 10 cents. Didi cried foul, saying that's too expensive. I told him, yeah, that's how things work. When there's a demand, anyone can ask for any price. He could have make money himself if he wants to. He reluctantly bought one from korkor and made sure he doesn't have any lead wastage. Sounds good, eh?

Later, while we were shopping, I asked him if he wants to buy some lead for himself. That time, he was more conscious of the price tag on all the different brands there are on the shelf. And he even started comparing those price with the bookshop's from his school, and think about which one is more value for money. Eventually, I showed him one pack of 4 cases which is a better value for money. Told him he needs to keep it safely and even make money if anyone wants to buy from him in desperate times, like he was before.

Another episode of charging money for some of their attitudes, which I am too exhausted to nag already, is when they spend more than 30 mins finishing their meals. Especially meimei. So, everytime they are over the allocated time, it's 50 cents. Another 10 mins, another 50 cents. Counts by the minutes, mind you, else how would they ever learn to eat faster! Meimei had so far, been poorer by few bucks from this whole exercise.

Last 2 days, after a whole 10 days off for the 2 younger kids, didi was VERY slow getting ready for school. I was too fed up again, and devised another punishment which includes money too! So I said, each morning, by 7.20, whoever holds up the rest of not leaving the house by that time, need to pay the other 2, 1 buck each! Wow! That sure made didi go so much faster!

But I wonder, with all these money talk and bargaining around the house, if there's any bad side effects not? Their eyes would only be seeing the $$ sign everywhere?

Sometimes, I tell them, family need to help each other too. If you feel like helping out without charging anything, you are doing a good deed and it's a favor that you would be appreciating when you need that back.

In the end, parenting is always so tough! Have to know where the balance is and don't tip over to one end all the time! That's the toughest part.

Table manners, chapter 295.

Often, I find it very irritating and rude when someone make a remark or comment about the food another someone cooked and served to him/her. Yes, one of them I know is my hubs. He's a terrible complimentor (no such word, but just so you know, it meant, someone who gives compliments) but a very good critic. He argues, he doesn't mean to criticize, it's just a comment to let the cook knows (of course not those in restaurants but people like me, or my mom or his mom).

There was once we all went balik kampung and his mama, as with any other mamas, was so delighted to see us all home, had cooked dinner for us. But in her hurry, probably she put too little water in the rice cooker and hence the rice turned out half cooked.

All the MEN in the household commented about the rice and she explained over and over again why it turned out that way. She wasn't agitated a bit, but why is it so, I was the one who felt that way?

I mean, come on la, people buy and cook and serve you with all her love as part of the ingredients, just eat la, can die not eating half cooked rice? I just don't see the logic of "just comment, not criticizing"

Yesterday, korkor commented on my dinner I cooked. He said, why only 2 dishes? For your information, even though it was 2 dishes, but there were minced pork, corn, and mushrooms in 1, so many varieties in just 1 dish!

Maybe I had been hiao lately and felt the joy of cooking up more than 2 dishes at a time. The last Sunday, I whipped up 4 dishes and a soup and I am proud to say, that dinner had totally revved up hubs' appetite as he commented he didn't have one just before dinner and yet, he refilled his bowl of rice. I was so mighty pleased but, no, he didn't praise me for that great awesome *ahem* sweet and sour koe-loe-yuk! He's like that, he thinks it's good enough for me to know he went for a 2nd serving.

OK, back to korkor. I was really furious! What kind of appreciation is that to a mom who went all the trouble and fuss to make a homecooked meal just so to have that kind of comment? I told him outright that it's utterly rude and he should learn to keep his opinion to himself in future, no matter who cooks for him.

I do think one shouldn't be a fussy eater, or even if one is born to be so, he/she ought not to give comments which are not flattering. Unless it's a praise, then only that should be out from the mouth!

And I think, he, MEN especially, need to be taught about THAT from a young age, just so he would appreciate his mama and his wife's cooking with all their love ingredient for him.

Instilling values in them

I loved children.

Maybe I don't love them as much as I did last time. Or probably it's the kind of children we get these days.

They are too spoilt! They don't have to lift a finger to do any work, they whine and complain about trivial stuffs and yet, they get to go for holidays and treats at least once a year.

But heck, they are my children, and I still love them so much.

The other day, I had dinner with my kids and 2 others. 1 of them, 11yo boy, loved the steamed eggs so much that he kept on scooping it into his plate of rice. I said to him, "there are still others who hadn't taken the eggs yet, must leave some for the rest, you know?" He said that he loves it, it's his favorite dish and his granny would cook this for him all the time and let him have all he wants. I sure wanna slap that fler!

Then again, my kids might behave the same way too! *gasp* I am so used to filling their meals with the proper portion of each dishes served and they just have to finish them off. It's a habit which is rather hard to change, but I believe I ought to.

When they were young, I worried that they didn't take enough food or eat too much of one dish and not balanced and hence, I would just serve them what they need to finish up and usually they do, whether they love it or not.

But it doesn't teach them table manners, of how they shouldn't be taking only the food they like without leaving some for others or crossing hands when someone else is taking theirs or that they should be taking the food nearest to them preferably or digging inside the dish (NOT) for whatever part they wanted.

Sometimes I just catch korkor doing all those and it makes me mad. But who am I to blame but myself? Yes, I should stop this habit of serving their whole meal everyday like what I'm doing now.

Then there was this other time I asked korkor nicely to help me do a very simple chore while I was busy cleaning up after cooking dinner and serving them. He whined and complained and sighed that it fumed me up!

I gave them a piece of my mind later.

It's so important for them to learn, it's not how smart and how many As they get in their exams to go far and happy in their lives.

They don't need to do any single chore at all at home and yet! In fact, they should be asking me what they can help me to do while I busied myself tending to their needs. They would be turning into spoilt and useless brats very soon, just like other children who have maids to order around these days and they wouldn't know how to do or want to do anything when they grow up.

Please, my children, keep these few pointers in your mind..

1. To have good manners.
2. To be considerate of people around you
3. To appreciate the value of money and the importance of financial management.

I don't care so much whether you score straight As or get into the smartest class. I'll be proud of you anyhow as long as you have good morals and remember what I keep repeating.

Managing the terrible 2 phase.

A few nights ago, my sis in law called me. It was indeed a surprise, since she hardly calls to look for me specifically, though we do chat or socialize on FB online once in awhile.

She is going through this "terrible 2" phase of her bblui and asking for my opinion on how to tackle this awful phase since I have the experience from 3 kids. I can tell she's very frustrated and yet guilty and yet worried. I know the feeling since I had been there before. But that certainly didn't mean I know the answer to that.

I can only offer some solutions as every child has their own uniqueness and she has to use the trial and method to see which way works for her child. Otherwise, she can wait as I assured her this phase would pass, definitely.

This became a topic of conversation with my regular chat-kaki online, and she had said something I didn't think of before. From her experience, it's more of how the parents talk to the child even at that young tender age. Instead of giving orders, albeit with a soft tone or not, she suggested to "ask".

For example, instead of telling the child to wash her hands after coming home from school, can it be "Can you please go and wash your hands? They are dirty after a day's out" than "GO wash your hands NOW".

It makes sense, doesn't it?

I tried to reflect on myself these several days to check how my tone is when asking them to do some tasks. Really, when I change my tone and ask them "can you please.... ", it does work. But not always though. And my patience would be running thin. Grrr....

How many of us parents have this kind of patience to show respect when talking to their child? I respect them, really. And this is for you, goolymama, to show me this light, and I'm always amazed how good you are in this tough job called parenting. (can babysit them now? suen pin teach them something or two?)

Losing it is not fun.

I lost it!

They made me.

It's not that I never tried talking nicely, begging, pleading, reasoning, offering...

BUT it seems like the only way works best is scold, lose temper, scold, threats, scold... gah! Why? Why why???

Now what was it that made me lost it.

Firstly, korkor made me wait for him after school. It's ok if it's just like a couple of mins or so. But the wait has been dragging longer and longer. And that day I lost it, I was so damn hungry! He made me wait for like a century! Shucks!

Off I went talking like a mad woman how it's so rude that I am taken granted like this. As if being their chauffeur is not enough, I have to wait for His Royal Majesty to finish his all so important work in the school? I threaten that next time, if I wait longer than 5 mins, I would be going off and he would have to find his way home himself! Walk if he needs to! (yeah, like I would do that, huh?)

2 days later, and this had been going on for since God knows when, all 3 of them didn't want to shower after getting home from school! Korkor says it's meimei's turn, meimei says it's didi's turn, didi says it's korkor's turn... everyone of them practising taichi. I got very mad and just yelled at them! I know, it's bad, but really, they made me! I had been sooooo tolerant and patient with them all along.

Now that everyone is clean as new, let's just be nice to each other again, ok?

(p/s: pms also la, I think!)

2 of us over dinner and movie night.

Earlier, before I executed the 3 dates plan, I would have thought korkor probably preferred to stay home and play computer by himself, well, maybe wouldn't have mind going for a meal outside with me, but probably NOT preferring to do anything else together.

Proves how wrong I was!

He seemed to me that he was looking forward to our "date", though he had almost a wholesome day otherwise without me barking at him at home to stop staring at the computer screen, watching porns. He even napped for around 2 hours in the afternoon!

As we walked out of the door, meimei bade us farewell with "Have fun! Have fun!", making this seemed like the day had been equally special not only for them but for me too.

Being next to him, I sometimes can't believe he's standing almost up to my ears now! And he's moving into being a teenager fast. I had to change my tone and voice slightly, in fact, quite moderately, when talking to him. This is a guy I need to be careful with in building a rapport. I wanted so much to be his friend, so he would come to me when he has any doubts or questions when being enveloped by puberty's emotions later.

Firstly, where to eat? He briefly muttered a buffet way earlier, but he had asked for Tony Roma's. I asked him why the change of mind, wouldn't he wanted a buffet, to which he replied no need la, saying TR would be good enough. I can sense that he thought it's way too greedy to ask for and that made me proud of him.

After some discussions, he decided on Sushi King anyway and off we go! To the same mall (for the 3rd time that same day! OMG! Crazily xiao, don't you think?)

He rattled off in the car on the computer games he is currently playing and I had to feign interest listening to his eager voice. Oh man! Can we have some serious discussions on feelings, girls and xes yet? Oh well... boys! What was I thinking?

Over dinner, bits and pieces from our chats :

- both him and meimei thinks that my favorite color is purple, judging from the purple color I chose for my Mii. For which I think I don't have any particular favorite color actually.

- he remembers papa and I started off with something to do with a hiking trip.

- he knows EXACTLY what to get me for my birthday, if he has the money. Haha! I'm thrilled already!

- he gave me a score of 90% on being a mother, of which I was giddy with happiness, and upon seeing that, he slashed it immediately to 85%! I said, once given, he can't take it back! Tee hee!

- on the score of 1 (being cranky) to 10 (being happy), he says i'm 4 most of the time. He saw my disappointment in my expression and he jacked it up to 7 right away!! Haha! I said there is no right or wrong to his answer and I appreciate his feedback and I would try my best to be a happier mom from now on. He was delighted, giving me his sweetest smile. Truth be told, I always feel he has a very sweet smile, which I think would attract girls later, if he plays his cards well.

I asked him if he knew what I love about his dad. I said though it seems to him that I would be always scolding papa, I do love him and rattled on the 4 BIG NO-NO(s) that he doesn't have. And that he is a very responsible husband and dad whom korkor should learned to keep up to. Of course, it would be good that he doesn't have his bad habits, but who's perfect anyway.

His appetite was really huge! I gave him part of my bowl of rice to him, and he had another serving of plain rice, and 1.5 plates of sushi. Burp! He was so satisfied with dinner! Burp! burp! burp! I was enthralled with his sweet smiles throughout the night.

After that, we went to shop for some stuffs to feed the guests coming over, that's today, and then to the bookshop where he wants to have Diary of the Wimpy Kid, its fourth book. He kept on saying what a pity didi had only had McD and to the bookshop for this special treat. Wasted! So wasted, he continued.

We scooted off to the cineplex at 9 and impromptu bought 2 tickets to watch the just newly screened "World Invasion" at 9.35! And it was sooo cold in the cineplex, we were totally under-dressed for that!

Seriously, I was a bit worried as the night inched nearer to midnight. I'm a "Cinderella" by nature *ahem*, I don't like going out at nights and it's certainly the first time I took my eldest son out till so late. When the credits started rolling, I hurried him to move on quick with the crowd and walked briskly back to the car. He wanted to pee and I told him to hold till we get home. We were home safe and sound, back in the comfort of our beds very soon after.

And that concludes our very special day today. Though it was so so exhaustive, but I had a very good day. Gotta love it!

p/s: Thanks to the anon Befriender for your support and idea!

3 dates in one day! What a day!

Today is certainly a day worth blogging and remembering for. I took the kids out separately on 3 different times, all in a day's work, allowing them to choose what they want to eat at all and to accompany them what they want to do at all.

Truth be told, after last nite's post, I felt very guilty. If it had been a good day, there shouldn't be any tears, angst and jealousy in those 2 little flers, should there? So many ways I could have done better to ease the feelings pent up in them, and letting them have a nice day, albeit spending it differently. And I failed to plan it right. Failed miserably in being a mother!

So after talking it over with a Befriender, I woke up eagerly to put our plan to action! Even though I had only slept too late the night.

I was afraid the kids would be fighting over who to go on which slot and how I were to make it fair for them, but seeing korkor suggesting from youngest to eldest, and didi volunteering to go in the middle while meimei absolutely thrilled to just jump on the bandwagon straight away, I realized my worry was for nothing.

So, I took meimei out first for brekkie and before she thought about what she wanted to eat, korkor jumped on it and said she surely would ask for hakka mee! And that she did! There was nowhere else she wanted to go. Bad korkor!

It was closed for that day though, and she was easy going in settling for something else at that same place. *whew* I didn't want to drive over the town looking for things to eat! We chatted about simple stuffs, about her friends, about the playdate she had the day before, about what she wanted to do after that. Whilst she talked, I fed her as well, and it was a very happy morning time.

We settled on sand art after that, as she ruled out movies, shopping, fish spa, library. Those were my ideas since she had no idea at all what she had wanted to do.

When we reached the mall, we saw other painting stuffs which I prompted her to try. We took something like an hour to get the picture all done up, totally giving her all the attention she deserves. She was happy, with a colorful bright princess picture to bring home for the special day, and I was double happy seeing her cheerful little face.

We met up briefly with my Befriender who was nearby coincidentally and we parted ways for my next adventure (or shift).

Back home, didi was waiting patiently for his turn. Not the kind of excitement I was hoping to see though but well enough. Meimei had enjoyed herself so much that for a moment she felt a bit teary-eyed and kept hugging me and saying "I miss you" and almost like, putting up a scene to insist in following us on. I said to her we had a deal, and this was our plan so she should cooperate and not cry. She nodded and very bravely said "bye-bye! have fun!" and saw us to the door.

Being alone with didi, his hand in mine, the feeling shifted amazingly. From accompanying a little girl's feeling and enjoyment, it was then an entirely different sort of thing altogether. He said he wanted to go Old Town initially and I was taken aback. I asked him what he wanted to eat there, and apparently, he just wanted the ice cream float! But after thinking that there's nothing much else to eat over there, he said he wanted to go McD! Of all places, McD???? I really could hardly believe my ears!

YES! He insisted on McD! And he wanted a whole cheese burger with sesames on the top all to himself! And fries! And nuggets! AND ICE CREAM! My gawd! How badly I knew my little boy! I felt so awful! But I suspected a little that he could have been influenced by korkor and when prompted, it sure was! Bad korkor again!

Anyway, since I promised him that he can have what he wants, McD it is then!

He chomped on the food so happily. I was seated beside him and just looked at him. I asked him if he wanted to do this exercise again, he said yes. Maybe he could have one on one session with papa, I said. He replied that he would liked it and he thinks papa time would be even better. My eyes opened wide as I heard that and asked why. He said papa let him try on anything. Anything at all. Why, I should really think about what a control freak I have been then!

At one point of time, I brought back the day before's event again, and I asked him why he was so mean to his sister when we came home. He said she didn't want to play with him in my friend's house. I explained to him that I knew he felt hurt, but meimei has no girls to play dolls with and she wanted to enjoy the time playing them with another girl. She has her own life to live, and own friends to make but that didn't mean she loves him any less. And he needs to learn to deal with it. He nodded as he chomped on the fries. I wonder how much info he really digested, but at least it's an attempt.

It rained heavily by that time, and we had no other choice but to hang on around until it subsided a bit. He sat on me while he hungrily and enjoyably gobbled all the food up and I just can't mention enough how warming it felt just hugging him and looking down at his charming eyes. This little fella is such a challenging son, yet I feel he has such potential and good qualities that might just be undeveloped fully under my wing. I always feel so awful guilty I'm just not doing good enough.

Again, he had no inkling what he wanted to do next, and after being thrown a few options, he wanted to go to a bookshop and source for an origami book together. Again, I drove him to the same mall I been to in the morning.

On origami, he has been working very passionately in every free time he has, apart from playing Wii. This origami book I bought must be the most used and worthy book among all the rest. He has been folding and making all the few favorite ones of his over and over again, till he knows by heart how to fold a rabbit and a dinosaur without looking at it!

The rabbit and dinosaurs are not simple, for all I know. There are over 60 steps in each and yet, he conquered them all. He recently made this triceratops which looked really really awesome, I thought. And he uses them to decorate up his room, he said. It's all so cute.

Seeing his interest in origami, perhaps I thought it would be nice to throw him even more challenging ones to do. Yet, I scanned through each and every origami book there is in there, and couldn't find any which is more challenging than he already has been achieved so far. He saw one and kept pestering me to get it for him though, even I looked at it, it's nothing compared to those cool dinosaurs and abstract art that he has been making already, I bought it for him anyway, since I said it's his day. We went home, him feeling contented with book in hand while I was so pooped!

I plopped myself on the bed and very soon, passed out and awakened rudely about 10 mins or so, by meimei who wanted to read a book. Argh!!! I wanted to throw a tantrum already, but seeing the day had been going so good so far, I didn't want to waste that and forced myself up to read Little Miss Fun to her.

The date with korkor is such an eye opener that I MUST note it down, worthy of another post altogether. In the end, we came home at midnight and I can't wait to blog it all down, in case my memory fails me. I so love this day.

Learning the skill to make friends.

Today is a frenzy driving round town day for me.

Right from the early morning, I drove korkor for his tuition class, then to bus station for my mom to go gaigai, and back home again to let the other 2 kids shower and have breakfast before jetting off to my friend's home in TTDI to drop meimei for her playdate session with my friend's dotter.

Before I knew it, it was time to pick korkor up and I drove mad crazy with didi on tow, as it wasn't so nice to leave him with my friend's for she would have her hands all tied up with a little small baby to handle. I suppose the 2 girls would leave her alone playing with each other. And they did.

I came back home with the boys to get some chores done before going back to my friend's home for her very delicious spaghetti lunch and spent some time chatting with her and cradling her very cute little 4 mth old baby boy, Ian. He really is sooooo cute. I felt very "motherly" all over again having him in my arms. It was so lovely. BUT no way I'm gonna have another one for the sake of that. I guess if I need to feel that way again, I just go to her house and help her carry her bb for a couple of hours or so. Nice!

As we almost wanted to go home, didi was getting very restless and wanted to play. Something. Anything. As I forbid him to play with anything i or phone, he went on to disturb the girls who were happily and quietly playing together with their Barbie dolls. After awhile, I stepped in and told numerous times for him to leave them alone on their own. He was very uncooperative. I had to sit in with him alone for sometime, on the 2nd floor to have a small talk.

I said they wanted to be left alone, and he should respect their decision. He asked me why. I said it's her house and her room, no reasons needed for that and that is exactly why I wouldn't want to leave him alone for a playdate with anyone at this moment of time. That's because he wouldn't want to listen to anyone, not even to ME, and he would have to learn to do that! And when the time comes he proves that he can listen and obey instructions, he would be having playdates too if he wants to. His eyes got all misty. I asked him if he understood what I said, he mumbled a soft yes and I told him now I am asking him to go downstairs. He obeyed without anymore fights.

Back home again, he showed his displeasure that his sister "betrayed" him by uttering mean words like "I don't want to friend you forever" and purposefully used her Mii to play badly in the Wii fishing games. That made her gone bonkers and she ran crying her eyes out to me.

I was sooo tired, I just wanna take some eye shuts but there she was, shouting right next to my ears whilst bawling away! I then talked calmly to her that I would not discuss anything with her if she's crying like that. And I would NOT take her for anymore playdates with my friend's dotter next time since this is the way she behaves after a playtime like this.

I reasoned with her that her brother felt very rejected by her at her playdate and he was feeling sad. She hasn't been quite nice to him either and she had a very fun time all the whole 5 hours there. So, what she could do now is to make it up to him and say sorry and offer some kind words for his pained heart instead. She said he's making her Mii losing her points, and I said that was nothing. She didn't lose anything at all, just let him be and be kind and nice to him back.

After this talk, she mellowed down and in no time, all are back to norm. These kids. Really tires me out.

So much so till I felt no mood to cook, and so I took them all down for a dip in the pool, showered, went all out for dinner instead. We had a very quiet and peaceful time alone, it was very worthwhile spending the time talking to them like that today anyway. Is there some other way I could have handle this situation, I am thinking....

No canes!

One day, as I went to school to fetch the kids home, korkor pointed to me quietly to show me how didi kicked meimei's bag together with a little boy. I was so pissed that I just wanted explode right there!

On the way home, korkor who knows to read my body language and facial expressions, asked me "didi is doomed, right?". I just kept my cool and continued on driving. As I was driving, I was thinking how to teach that little fella when we get home.

Truth be told, I was really so mad that I just wanna cane that fella up. But the drive home, albeit a short one, cooled me down a bit, and it gave me some time to think about the point in doing that. I read in a mama's blog that it's SO not right to cane or spank a child when he/she did wrong as they are so vulnerable. Guilty as charged. *head hanging down*

Trying as hard as I may, I pushed myself further to think of other alternatives to punish him for that wrongdoing of his. I ought to refrain from laying a finger on them, as I promised to myself. And then, *ding* a lightbulb moment appeared.

Once back home, I told the other two to get their showers while didi was to wait for my instructions. Took out all the stuffs in ALL 3 bags, and passed a wet towel to didi, telling him to clean them up! He quietly and obediently scrubbed meimei's bag while I ran around the house doing other chores.

On and off, he would yell for me to check if the bag is cleaned up yet. When I went to check, I started my lecture on why he was being punished.

Lecture on life's choices and the consequences that he has to face. He chose to kick and dirty his sister's bag when prompted by the other boy. I asked him it's the right or wrong thing to do. He answered that it's wrong. I asked him again what he could have done. He replied he didn't know. I told him to think about it while he continued scrubbing.

After some 2 mins or so, he told me he has the answer. He said he could have NOT kicked it. I asked him, then what else could he have done. He tried with "tell you?". After a few Q&A and prompting, I said he could have told the other boy off for even suggesting to kick and dirty his own meimei's bag. So, in fact, he had done 2 wrongs for the day! I asked him if he understood what I mean, and he nodded his head and said "yeah..."

His eyes went misty and I wondered if he had indeed learnt his lesson or just felt pissy with me for punishing him like this. I then told him to scrub korkor's and his own bag and get showered.

This certainly felt much better than giving him a good caning on his butts, whether or not it's more effective or less. And I pondered to myself, a moment of cooling down and thinking makes a whole lot difference than doing the impromptu of getting hold a cane and showing him the pain of his action right there and then. So, it just takes a little effort to learn to control our own temper when it flares.

Next time, when he's done anything wrong again, I would pass him a wet towel and get him on all fours to scrub the floor for me.

That way, I get the floors cleaned! This time, I have 3 awesome clean bags!

Accident spill early early morning.

On the last day of school before it breaks for CNY, there was quite an accident spill of black ink from korkor's tote for the short lessons day. It was already time to be out from our house, and the ink was dripped all over the place! The more we wipe it off, the more it spreads out and make the place messy. I couldn't bring myself to leave the mess and home like that to be cleaned up after dropping the kids off so we scurried and hurried to clean the place. I was major stressed, the bag, the books, the pencil box... it was disastrous!

Anyhow, we managed to get the cleaning up done quite fast and be in school before ... I don't know! What I do know is we are not the ones to be the last walking into the school. I really wonder, when does the last student arrive everyday at school actually? Cos it does seems that however late we are, there surely ARE some others who are later than us!

Korkor puts on a very sorry face, and remarkably, I didn't scold at him AT ALL! Though I did, admittedly, complained and whined and groaned while cleaning up, I didn't have the heart to scold him, as it was an accident. I just told him to take it as a lesson and always, Always, put the jar in black ink in a plastic bag. Hopefully he remembers that.

That was a major leap for me too in self controlling my temper.

Quarantined in their room.

The fridge was practically empty when I came back from the week's holiday. Just some meat left, enough to stuff us for 2 days. I took the kids out for a wet market run this morning, after breakfast of chicken rice for kor and loe shue fun with fishballs for the other 2. Everytime we go out to eat, kor always asks for chicken rice, whatever time of the day is. That's how he loves that dish!

In the car, these 3 annoys the hell out of me. I just can't understand why they just lurvvvv to do that all the time. It must be something to do with the confined little space? Failing to shut them up, I told them when we get home, the 3 of them have to stay in their room and learn to love and play with each other. The more they disturb each other, the longer the quarantine would be.

And I meant my word.

They went inside the room obediently and started to find things to occupy themselves. Meimei and didi were STILL fighting their heads off, and she came running to me crying... I told her to just go back inside the room and settle whatever dispute there is themselves. She hit me on my leg and I was so furious mad. 1 for 1.

So she went back inside crying and shouting at didi more. I reminded them that the longer they take to love and play with each other, the more time they are going to stay inside. Possibly whole day!

I went about doing my daily chores, preparing the soup for tonight's dinner, sorting out the few bags of groceries. Soon, I could hear the 3 of them playing a game. When I went to check them out, they were on the bed playing UNO happily. Well well well!!!! THIS should be done more regularly, like daily, isn't that so? No computer, TV or whatever games they play by their ownselves. Back to the basics.

When the 1 hour was up, they came running out again, excitedly switch on the computer and TV. Sigh! I thought they were just beginning to enjoy themselves? In the future, I would just use any excuse there are to just repeat this whole quarantine exercise!

Koko wanna blog as well.

Seeing me blogging so very often and reading it at times with glee, korkor asked my permission to blog too. Thinking "blog mud kwai la blog", I asked him why. He said just for fun. Eh, fun meh?

I guess I was very concerned because of his naivety to the www and the harm that it could pose, if he's just not careful.

Anyhow, I also believe that just stopping kids from exploring new things is not very good (apart from harmful things), so I sat him down and we had a 1 on 1 chat again.

Firstly, I said, he can blog, but a few "rules", albeit unwritten, that he must observe.

1. The purpose of the blog - it must serve as "something" la, right? Shouldn't be just aimless with nothing in mind. Then again, I think his purpose now is to "experience the blogging fun".

2. For security purposes, he must not reveal any details of where we stay, where we go, what we do, where he goes to school, what his name, what his friends' names, what his teachers' names... (eh? then blog about what ah?)

3. Must not ever talk bad about family, in other words, washing dirty linen in public. For whatever is published on the internet, it can never be taken back. And family is always family.

4. Must not blog during moments of anger, as when we are shrouded with the feeling of anger, we would often blurt out words which we do not mean, and this is very dangerous in the internet, since as in rule (3) it can never be taken back.

5. If possible, try not to blog about unhappiness or miseries, for we do not really want to remember all these unhappy stuffs, do we? As I was telling him, I blog to let them read back on the cute things they did or said when they were small, the vacations and happy moments we had together and seldom reflecting on anything unhappy (which does happen to me too, I'm just human). When the days get rough, and we read back on these positiveness, our mood can be lifted up again (which works for me, as I love reading the sweet like candy memories when I feel down)

6. When there's a problem, don't blog it before finding a solution to it, especially when it involves another person. I do see some bloggers, rather than having a confrontation or working out a proper solution to an issue with another person, would just blurt it out on the internet, as if the issue would sort itself out just like that. Blogging should remained as fun, as just similarly to keeping a journal, to remind and reflect on ourselves.

Any you like to add too?

OMG! Sesana, you not real?

This totally freaks me out. That is, finding the truth about Sesana doesn't exist.

Meimei had been telling me about her bestie called Sesana for many moons, since Shazminta left the school. I didn't worry or thought anything wrong at first but as the days go by, the stories she tells me are getting more and more weirdy and outrageous. Like Sesana comes from Bangladesh (which is a bit surprising, but still normal), that she has swimming classes every Fri, Sat and Sun (sounds to me, a bit too kwacheong) and the latest one, that she has relatives/ friends working in a circus and she knows how to do a lot of stuffs like juggling. Not weird enough ah? To me, it is.

So I decided to check on this wonder little girl called Sesana (which I thought was Suzanna at first) but the teacher told me in a raised eyebrow no (with the are-you-nuts?-look) and think left think right also can't relate to any child called Sesana in the school. Going home, I was feeling uncomfortable, in fact, VERY!

When I picked her up, I decided to double check with another teacher (you know, maybe the teacher is really nuts), and she confirms to me that there's no such person. My eyes went big. The first thing that come into my mind "Eek! Schizophrenia ke?"

This is so freaking me out. Though the teacher tried to console me that it's just normal for children to have imaginary friends. Especially for only child. Like, even though meimei has 2 brothers, but there aren't any sisters to grow up with, hence she made up a bestie called Sesana for herself.

I guess I could relate to that. Being the only daughter myself, I used to feel lonely when I was young too, as the 2 brothers often kicked me aside to a corner, not letting me in in whatever they were playing or doing. But I couldn't remember I had a significant imaginary friend, since there were many many children and cousins in my neighborhood to play with everyday.

Anyway, calming myself down, I tried to make out some senses behind...

1. Maybe I hadn't been spending much time with her playing or doing something together, just with her. I do feel guilty that most of my time, often I stress more on the boys, thinking that she's just doing fine, as she's always so bubbly and happy. I thought it was normal when she's playing "role play", as a teacher in a class or dancing class, ordering her "students" (teddy bears and Barbie dolls) around. Sometimes it's "family", sometimes it's "teabreaks". Perhaps, maybe just perhaps, there's really noone to play with her. *sob*

2. She's not making friends in school? This, I'm really not very sure, but according to the teacher's feedbacks, she's having fun and mixing around pretty well. Or could it be, she's not really as happy as she seems to be? Oh dear... *hangs head down*

3. Or perhaps, I am worrying too much? That girls her age are common to be having imaginary friends? A teacher in her school told me one girl has been talking to Jippy and Puni for the longest time. Once the girl went downstairs all by herself and told her parents that her 2 friends were waiting for her. *major freaked out*

Well, now that I know Sesana does not exist, I don't even know if I should stop her imagination or let it flourish. After getting some advice, yeah, I think the right thing to do is to tell her what is story and what is real. Perhaps she really thinks that story telling like this is FUN, or talking to me like this is FUN.

Just now, before tucking her in bed, I read her a book, and before that, I had a little chat with her, telling her before she tells me any story that she made up herself, she must let me know that's the case and shouldn't be mixing fantasies and real events together. She nodded her head, and *whew* I hope this won't develop too far to a serious case of schizophrenia. ("A Beautiful Mind" playing in my head)

Bringing up girl is more headache lor.

Sometimes, I just wonder if meimei had been loedim me all this while with her stories of her "bestie" in school. It started off cutely with her tell tales of what her friends do, or say to her. As the days go by, I am beginning to get really suspicious. Even when she's bathing and the soap was getting smaller, she would tell me that her friend said her mom changed the soap to a brand new one and throw the smaller one away. I mean, do they really tell her that, so minute details in their lives? Or is meimei imagining stuffs? *creepy*

Some of the times, she would say her friend gave her this or that. Smaller stuffs like stickers and pencils, I would just nod my head and ask her if she thanks her friend. But today, she showed me a really nice clip and said so&so gave that to her. I was rather shocked, and first thing that came into my mind was, is it true? Or could it be that she "took" that from her friend? I really hope not.

I told her to give it back to her friend tomorrow, nicely explaining to her that it's not a good habit to take things like these from her friend, even though she's the one to give to her or her mommy lets her. If she liked it, she had to "work hard" for it herself to get it, not getting into this habit to take things from anyone. I said, if she has this habit, next time some "bad men" would give her nice nice things and will take her inside a room and touch her everywhere, including her private parts and making her really painful.

She asked me how to work hard for it, I said working hard means, like right now, be a good girl and I would reward her for good behavior or good results from her studies. When older, then working hard means earning money herself decently to buy the things she loves, instead of hoping from people to give to her.

I pray she understands what I'm trying to say. Boy! I don't have this kind of worry with my boys, they really don't bring home anything from anyone or love any materials stuffs. They are just happy go lucky boys, happy with anything thrown over to them. With the girl, I really have to crack my brain more to make sure she won't "taam", like wants to own anything that catches her eyes.

She definitely needs more attention to be educated on "working the proper way to get her doodads". I have to balance carefully too, not to spoil her on getting everything she wants, but also to suppress her loves over material stuffs so she won't do anything wrongly. However, having a high desire to own something that she really loves can also be a good motivation for her to work hard for it. Balancing! Balancing! I need to learn fast!

A small lesson for him.

I have been packing bento (awesome ones!) for the boys to take to school since day 1. All the lurv goes into its preparation, pleasing me with the thought that they will be lugging the bento box to the canteen and savoring the food, thinking of me during recess time.

So when I see the bento box still lying around on the table when I came home yesterday from dropping them off at school, I was pretty devastated. What is didi going to eat? Should I be the good ole mom to make her way back to school again and pass him the bento box before recess time?

There I was, trying to decide the best thing to do. In the end, I decided to teach him a lesson and see what he would do under such circumstances. After all, life is not a bed of roses, he needs to learn up some survival skills!

When he came back, I was very excited and asked him that question the first thing. He looked at me and said "yeah, I forgot the tupperware, why didn't you put it in the bag for me?". Gawd! What a demanding little brat! I said it's his responsibility and that would teach him a lesson next time to care for his own things.

I asked him what he did during recess time then. Did he look for his elder brother to share the food? Did he go wandering around, looking at all the food? Did he beg for food from the canteen's auntie? Did he salvage the leftover food from others?

He told me "noooo..... I told the teacher I forgot to bring food and she gave me 1 dollah to buy food". (yes! just what I thought he could do and he didn't disappoint me) And the next day, I gave him 1 buck telling him to return the money to teacher.

(The so-called bentos that day consists of 2 slices of bread, kiap with peanut butter and fruit jam each, 1 raisin vanilla homemade cupcake and 1 rice cracker with seaweed only)

After discussion with teacher.

Went to see didi's teacher the next morning when I sent him to school. Not to confront her, but after giving a night's thought, I decided it's not such a bad idea to check with her if there's anything I missed out, just in case.

With a thumping heart, I walked over to her desk but before I could say anything, she blurted out "your son!" the moment she saw me. Heiz...

Anyway, conclusion from the meeting, I felt sorry for her too. She told me it's just recently he had been daydreaming a lot in class and not keeping his stuffs, which are all over the floor. He had made some improvement before and now back to square 1. I believe he must have tested her patience hell lots, and she couldn't stand that kind of attitude anymore, hence the outburst that day on him. It must have been rather ugly.

I came back feeling both relieved and sad at the same time. Relieved because well, he had told me the truth and nothing too big a problem to settle, at least it didn't involve any fighting with the rest of the students. Sad because well, after all the effort, why back to square 1?

Brainstormed and gave it a long thought. I suppose there are few things I could try.

1. He could be a daydreamer because he's thinking of a big invention plan and getting really rich, then buying a big bungalow and hiring a driver for me to bring me to ElVee shop. Wait! That's me daydreaming. Sorry for the diversion. I believe it's the lack of sleep he's getting, really. What else do you expect from a 7yo who gets only, lemme count....8 hours of sleep everyday, right?

2. His messiness... I think I could be the main culprit here, for I had been cleaning up after them for far too long now. Cleaning up their beds, picking up the dirty clothes, clearing their food on the table and floor, tidying up their books on the table... Being too nice is not such a good thing after all, is it? Well, not that I do not want to train them but sometimes I do feel sien nagging them to do this do that everyday and in the end, I still need to do the dirty work and it takes up even longer time. So I suppose it's just faster and easier to do everything by myself. And ended up they really taking things for granted.

So heck, yeah, from now on, I taught them, for a start, to clear up their own place where they were seated for meals, wipe the table, clear the mess to their plate, pick up rice from the floor and put it in the sink! About time. Long overdue, in fact. So far been so good. Hope this habit gonna stay.

These 2 days, didi came home feeling very much better. The teacher even told him he improved a lot these 2 days (according to him). I am very pleased with his mega achievement, so I rewarded him with chocolate, making origami twist box with him, reading story books and savoring potato wedges with cheese in KFC together. Life is good!

Playtime at the kitchen.

Honestly, I'm very amazed with mothers who allow their kids to help out in the kitchen. Especially when they are baking cakes and cookies or whatever. I know it's bonding time, having fun, learning things, helping out, but isn't it very troublesome when they made the whole place dirty and just spoil the whole cake or whatever?

Well, I suppose that is what called "in the name of fun". I tried, but I never get to overcoming that and allow them to play in my kitchen.

This afternoon, I dragged meimei into it, as she was disturbing the boys in doing their homework, and said to her "Let's do something together today". She was all excited, nonstop asking me "is it a cake? are we making a cake? what cake is it?".

One by one, I took the ingredients and sapolangchan out for our little game of masak-masak, I passed them to her, and she put it on the table. So far so good.

Then I got the right amount of flour and started sieving. She wanted to help, so reluctantly, I took her hand and both of us sieved the flour. I got irritated slightly with the flour flying out of the bowl, but I told myself "chill... chill..."

Next I cut the chunk of butter in and started mixing into the flour. She yau wanna play along! EEK!!! I can't stand it anymore. So I started nagging and complaining and nagging, and that totally shove her away. She wanted to go out to disturb her brothers again and I forbid her. So she had to stand in a corner with her eyes all welled up. Poor girl! Such a no-fun mom I was. I felt so sorry.

I just wonder why other moms can do it. You know, letting them mixing, playing, messing up the whole place, spoiling the whole cake? And then, I have to clean up after them. Ya, right, I can ask them to clean, but that would take the whole week away and I would still be cleaning up after them. So, what's the point leh? Yes, I respect these moms who can do it.

Anyway, I really did feel very sorry, after all, I was the one who raised all her excitement. So, I tried to make up to her, asked her to "how about cracking this egg up for me?". Luckily she was so forgiving and came over to me again. The rest of the time was bearable. I really ought to chill...

And btw, the cupcakes were awesome! I'm just getting better and better in making them that I would crave for them at times! *ahem*

We had a special lunch on a weekday.

Didi came home yesterday, looking pretty bad. Like kinda forlorn or something went terribly wrong in school for him. His face had black patches, to add to the special effect. He was very late coming out from the school compound and we didn't scold him or punish him either when he couldn't explain why.

I took him home to have his shower and decided to have a "special bonding time" with him away from the home. Told him we were going to have sushi for lunch and he asked why, it wasn't any special day. In my mind, I said "yes, it's a special day, everyday is" but I said to him "that's ok, we just gonna go out and have a different and special lunch as a change".

So, there we were, both of us, hand in hand, walking into Sushi King. Normally they would get all excited just seeing the conveyor belt with sushi plates, but didi was very cool. I guess when they don't have the other 2 as company, they would quiet down pretty much. Unbelievable, but their behavior are so much different when there's only 1 or 2 or all 3 of them together.

I ordered a set lunch to share between us, and took some sushi as extra. And slowly while he was enjoying his food, I try to ask him if everything is alright. Nothing much seems to be wrong anyway, just that he was late because he thought he needed to start staying back in school for extra BM classes, as I've mentioned the day before. I guess he missed the part when I said "next week".

And the thing I was worried most, if there was any little haksehwui counterparts bullying him or disturbing him. He did say one of the classmates took his eraser cap from him. I was rather enraged that some can just take his "favorite" things away just like that, probably claiming it's theirs. The eraser cap is something he was very happy about when I bought it for him last weekend and made him very eager to do his homework fast. So I told him he should take that back from that little rascal, that he can't take whatever that doesn't belong to him and similarly, noone supposed to take his own belongings.

Sometimes I wonder, if his reputation in class was so bad that noone defended him when he was fighting back for his own things or rights, not even the class teacher? Heiz.. when I thought about that, my heart really sinks. It hurts that badly thinking how he feels alone if he's without any friends in school. I just hope that's not the case.

Part of me wanted to set things right for him, yet part of me wants him to be independent and find a way out to his little problems in school. I guess I shall see how it goes, give him some time first.

Anyway, when we finished our lunch and went to pick meimei up, he was back to his own chatty self again. Whew!