Thoughts while driving

 Yesterday, I drove to a less-travelled route to have lunch, just so to find that perfect fish ball that suits my palette. 

In doing so, I passed by a condo which reminded me "hey, I've been here before. To drop off J at one of his CNY functions with some circle of his friends during his high school years". Those were the days, where all 3 of them relied on me to willingly or unwillingly drive them around just so they can have some fun times out of the ordinary schooldays. I'm glad I gave in to their wishes as compared to now, they are now "free" to go anywhere they like and do not need to depend on me for transportation anymore. 

So as I was driving along following the GPS navigation to my search of the perfect bouncy fish balls, I wondered if I do "miss" those days like crazy crazy, how dramatic some mothers can declare "ooh.. I miss them when they were so young and cute and sweet..."

And I'd say, no, I don't wish to turn back time, not that I don't miss them all cute and sweet and ever so present in my daily life, but just because, I did savor and enjoyed all my time with them before their wings grew and flew them off to their brand new lives. 

Cos as of right now, this is the another phase in my life, I have to savor and enjoy my early "senior" years before I go "senior senior". Perhaps in time, I would beat myself up and say heck, I should have done this in my 50s, how I wish I could go back in time where I could do all these things I can't do now!"

Ahh.. then I reached my destination, time to dig in to those fishballs and chasiew that was hovering in my mind for so long. :)

2026 and i'm here again

 Blink eye, Chak! 2026 d.

This year, J is not back for CNY. The things we do and eat are about the same, year in year out... 

Reflecting back to the past year, there were some passing away and we shifted home. As we settled in the new home, I found myself taken aback slightly with a sudden shift in my strength and wellbeing. It's quite true, I can be at this "strong and healthy" and then "weak and sick" the next. That's life. So unpredictable and sudden. 

Anyhow I'm grateful it's nothing serious but getting to know Pei pei battling cancer the past year had been more of a serious blow to me. Like, what are the odds? Both of us are so similar in everything and yet, this hit her and it hit her hard. What would I do if that's me? I am drilling in my own head to accept my fate. After all, is there anything I have yet to achieve? My priority is just the kids and seeing them all well and grown up, I guess my purpose in life is done deal, I am satisfied and happy d. 

I find solace in my blog, recounting my memories and the good 20 past years of my motherhood life, though sometimes I do write rubbish.