A high school friend surprised me recently with a message asking for a video chat sometime.
Usually when this happens, the first thought would be, "what is it that she wants to sell or asks for?", as this rarely happens at all, considering both of us were not really that close that warrants a VIDEO call ??
However, being open minded me (as always) and giving the benefit of doubt, I said yes and I am curious to know and find out why too.
And so... the moment came, and we began by some small talk yadda yadda yadda... then came the moment of truth. Turned out, she wanted to know more from my point of view of school life somewhat few decades ago and how streamlining has affected students from a less "privileged" socio economic background. She is writing a story which main (or some) characters set in our era. Sweet!
Admittedly, I was pleasantly surprised. To be able to tell my story. To hear someone saying I seemed to be a person who seems to know a diverse range of people. I really never have thought of that. I always think I am an invisible person, unnoticed by many, known by just the name and not the person that I am or had been. A low profile school girl, but who just happened to make it to the top class by Form 4.
Honestly, I do think I did have a colorful past, although day by day, it wasn't really that easy to go through. Oh those days, how could I ever forget. But I never really tell my story to anyone. Maybe a couple or so. Now looking back, I think I should pen it down before memory fails me. Because it had made me the person I am.
I had always thought my family was "rich". From young. How innocent and naive I was, haha. But I guess that's the beauty of my upbringing from my parents. That we were "rich" enough even though we weren't really rich. I was given love. Freedom. Education. And more love. That is rich enough in my books.
I never asked for anything. Toys, books, nice clothes, tuition. Not once. My mom never pressured me to do well in school, but she was FIERCE towards my elder brothers. In primary school, I was often number 1 to 5, counted from the back of the class haha. But one day, I just for no reason why, thought I would just "flipped" my text books before the next day's exams. That was about primary 3 or 4, I guess. And I could not believe it on the day the results were disclosed, my name was called when the teacher was announcing position number 9! Like single digit! Oh wow. I think that's what a "flipping of pages" could do, how would it be if I seriously study, like for real?! And hence, began my journey of real studies.
Children from Menglembu, mostly would be enrolled in the only chinese school in the kampung. My parents had often thought, to have a better future, English education is the way to go. They took effort to enrol all 3 of us in English schools, my brothers in SMI while me to Convent. Heck, there were only around less than 10 girls whom I know from Menglembu, were Convent students. Most girls come from Ipoh Garden, Canning Garden, the upscale neighborhoods of Ipoh. I didn't question my parents why I had to be so different from the Menglembu children. We had to travel so far to go school everyday and we didn't have help from our parents who do not know much English, much less BM or in any other subjects.
Sometimes I would think, if my family had been in a better socio economic standing and able to afford to send us to tuitions and extra classes, I would have been a lawyer or doctor. But having lived life for 49 years now, I could only say, how well or successful one is in life, does not depend on how good the academic results are. Yeah sure, it could give one a better edge, a better headstart in life. Knowing how things work now, there are more than meets the eye. So, I had since dropped the belief that I could have been better off, for the experiences and interesting years, I think I did not do too bad either.
I had always been very shy when I was a young girl. Always preferring to stay in the background, laying low, staying quiet. I didn't think I was smart either, hence I just chose to go into home science stream when we were given the form to tick where which stream we wanted to go into starting secondary school. I was given the impression the smart ones would go commerce stream, we the not so smart ones were better off going to home science.
In Form 1, there wasn't any streaming yet as all of us were equals. However, there seemed to be some bias or favoritism towards the commerce students. Maybe it was just word of mouth, because in my eyes, I didn't really "feel" or "experience" it. But soon, it became more and more apparent that the commerce students, especially the top classes, were the elites who seemed to get more attention from teachers.
In a way, we, the home science classes, did have a sort of "enemies" pledge to them commerce girls. in Form 3, when Lai Cheng and I, were showing results that was on par with the top elite girls, I could feel some of my classmates were cheering us on, happy that we "showed them some colors" haha... Even some teachers were starting to notice us too, that we had proven we were not that bad as well.
My proudest moment, the unforgettable awards day when my name was called out to go on stage, beaming with joy and pride that I was in the position 19 in the whole form 3. Even Ai Bee (who had not known me yet at that time) told me much later, that she perked up to check out who I was haha. Ai Bee, you made my day, you would never have known, this simple yet important comment, had been such an inspiration to me.
And thus, I made it to the "elite" top in Form 4. To be in the same class with the top of the top was a big deal to me. My self esteem, my confidence level, had all jumped in leaps and bounds. I was gungho, I thought, if I could make it this far, I could achieve anything I could dream of! How innocent I was! haha.
Time could only tell, I was so wrong. These girls were really outright smart ass! And they were all comfortable in their own circle, it seemed impenetrable to get into their circle! And thus, I was neither here nor there.. hahaha!! The not-so-smart girls think that I am those smart ones, hence they don't let me into their groups, while these smart girls were fierce about protecting their circle, hence I could not go there either! I was sooooo miserable. So, form 4 and 5 were kinda torturing, in addition to our family's issues going all haywired making my life so sad. I had only a handful of friends, namely my desk partner, Yu Kim and some other librarians, as I was one too.
I came home one day from school to find my mom lying on the floor, teary eyed and all. I was shocked and worried to see her like that. She told me my dad had left us. I could still remember how my heart pumped like mad and sought to understand what she meant by that.
It was the recession of the 80s. My dad's income was hit pretty hard. He didn't get any income for months already apparently, and both of them had been avoiding to face the issue at hand by going for mahjong sessions every now and then, sometimes going way till midnight, leaving us kids on our own at home. They were in constant fights and we kids didn't understand better. My elder brother, sick of these quarrels, seek to get away by getting himself a pre uni education in Australia. My second brother, who had also just graduated from STPM, and got into TAR college in KL.
My dad tired of the miserable situation, took upon himself to fly away to Sabah. Being in the timber industry all his life, Sabah's timber had not been affected much by the recession and he believed that he could find jobs there. Knowing my mom would certainly stop him from going, he just left with a note for her. My mom was devastated. I myself suddenly find myself grew up.
We decided to consult my dad's elder brother and his wife on what we should do. That day was the day I could never forget. Full of respect before for my 2nd uncle and auntie, they showed how ugly and black hearted they were. My uncle had thrown his wallet to my mom's face, saying they had no money. My auntie suggested perhaps my dad was on drugs. They said perhaps we should get my elder brother back from Australia, who was only a year shy from graduation. My mom asked if she could leave me with them as she could go and look for a lived-in maid's job and was blatantly rejected in the face saying they don't have space (when they were staying in a big bungalow). We left their home, feeling dejected by our very own family members.
My mom, eventually stood back up and feeling joyful that my dad had taken the respectful step of going back to work and earning an income for the family, also were hell bent to be a better person as well. She went around asking for a job to take care of children or just working in the house. Eventually, she found a job, somewhere in Tiger Lane, if I recall correctly. The job was perfect, she thought, as the boss offered her a good pay and also allowed her to bring me with her to live in.
That first day when we arrived, we were ushered into a room with a young girl cradling her little baby. Feeling perplexed, we were told to just stay there for the time being. Suddenly, someone started banging on the door and yelling (for what I really do not know) and both my mom and myself were all wide-eyed and scared to our knees. What the hell??!!
Apparently, the story we heard, the guy yelling at the door was the brother of the young girl who just given birth which he had not approved of. A little bit of cuckoo, if you ask me. We were told, he would back off when their dad comes home and then, we would be able to leave the room. Say whatttt???
We left without even unpacking our bags, no wonder the salary was so high!
Sometime later, my mom found a lived-in job as a maid in a bungalow. It was opposite Casuarina Hotel, near to my school and I could just cycle to school. My mom would clean and cook. I would be in school and when back "home", I would help her do some housework, mainly sweeping the floor and washing the dishes after our dinner. While I sweep the floor, oh how I admired the house. The double layered curtains. The furniture. I never knew rich people's house is soooo pretty!
As funny as it seemed, the family we worked for, insisted that we have dinner together although my mom suggested we eat by ourselves. So, we would sit together in a big round table eating my mom's cooking. The first time, I never been in such a situation before, slowly enjoying my dinner when later, my mom told me I should eat up quick and excused myself, as we should know our positions in the house. From then on, I did what I was told and after they had finished their dinner, I would help to clean up and wash the dishes, then only go about doing my homework before calling it a day.
For a few months we lived there. I gradually get used to it but I could also see my mom getting sadder by the day. Looking back, who wouldn't when all her life, she was her own boss, sewing clothes for her clients, and now separated from her husband too. One day, I told her to go and join dad. I would be ok and care for myself in Ipoh. She wasn't too sure about that but eventually, she did and there I was, all alone, staying on my own.
I moved back to my own house, of course and my mom, had been able to rent out the 2 front rooms to other people before she flew over to Sabah to join my dad. The rent would be my pocket money and I would go to school like usual, and over to my auntie's house for dinner some 20 doors away from me. I really do not know how sudden grew up I was, staying with 4 completely strangers in my own house. They are 2 couples and one couple had a little girl, about the age of 4, I think. One day, some friends of theirs were around too, and all of them were watching a porno! Goodness heckaroo, I am so glad nothing happened to me!
I do not know how long this set up lasted, but one day out of the blue, I got a message in a flimsy paper at my room's door. The message was in Chinese, but what do you know, I could read every single word of it MIRACULOUSLY! It said, someone was peeping me from the back of the house every single morning while I changed to my school uniform and that I should be careful! Can you imagine every strand of my hair stood up and I was so damn worried?!
I quickly ran to my auntie's house and rang my brother in KL. He acted straight right away and got my 3rd aunt to immediately get me to her house. He took a bus home as well and checked me out. From then on, I stayed with my 3rd aunt with her family of 4 kids for about 2-3 years until before I started my Upper 6.
I cycled to school everyday from there. I love the mornings so much as I feel the breeze in my skin and the air was so fresh. I would drop my bags in the line and go to the chapel in school to have a quiet moment, praying for my family and seeking for solace from the Almighty God. My heart was in so much pain somehow. I felt so lonely. But a voice in me said, this shall past. My life will not continue to be like this. My family members were all fighting to have a better future. I should too. I shall work hard and study hard to make my parents proud of me. And day in day out.. I persevered. I did well, I think. I scored full As, short of 1C for my BM.
Speaking of BM, my weakest subject, I knew I had to get some tuition if I didn't want my SPM to fail. I went for Pei Pei's uncle's tuition class in Ipoh Garden for sometime. He charged RM30 for each student for a month, but knowing my family was in a hard time, he secretly told Peipei to tell me, he would only charge me RM10. I was so touched. It was these good people that gave me hope, gave me inspiration that life's not that bad. When I wanted to drop out, he even offered me no charges just to ensure I would get help to pass my BM in my SPM. Such positive vibes! That is why I had never allow any negativity to cloud my mind. There are indeed goodness to look out for in life!
And this phase in my life, had been my story.
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