I would wish to go back to 2004. When the kids were so adorbs. I would be kinder to J. I think I had been very harsh to him. I would not have forced him to sleep on his own right before A was born. For the life of me, I could still vividly remember how I had threatened him, how mean I was. My poor baby, all on his own at nights. Sometimes I wonder if it had been the cause for his sometimes needy self. If I could turn back time, I want to hug them to sleep, fall asleep together, wake up together and spend more time together. The joy of motherhood. I would still want to do it all over again, however many times I feel so failed in my parenting journey. I would want to read to them more, make them love books. I would get them to cook in the kitchen with me more, never mind the mess that they create. I wish. I wish....
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