Very often, I asked myself if I had been the wife I would like to have if I were a man. I gave up building on a career for myself, not a sacrifice, if I may add, but indeed a luxury as I get the chance to watch the kids growing up right before my eyes every single day. For this, I'm indeed grateful to my hub for supporting us and working so hard to bring bread and butter home.
Throughout the years, our paradigm shifted, mine more towards the well-being and nurturing of the kids while the hub is very engrossed on earning more income to be able to retire comfortably in later years.
His work stress builds up, our communication becomes less, he's frustrated he feels uncared for as I seem to focus on the kids only. He seeks attention and starts picking on me, while I start to feel unappreciated with low self worth. Many a quarrel started with trivial stuffs, but hankering on these few basic reasons.
Instead of hoping for a change in him, I know there are only 2 ways I can move forward. Either take it or leave it.
I feel like giving up but would feel awfully berat hati. I wanted to see less of him but would miss him. It's really a painful love hate relationship. So, it's only the other option to take it.
In order to take it without hurting myself anymore, I am striving to psyche myself that
1. It's ok to be unappreciated.
2. It's ok that I don't get the things I love, from him.
3. It's ok he doesn't feel it's a need to talk carefully and jaga my hati since we are an old couple.
For if I were to die tomorrow, these aren't the important stuffs anymore. If he realize it by then, or not, it's not the most important things in my worry list anymore. In fact, there would be nothing to worry about. It's all relativity. These would be so trivial when compared to death, or illness.
I want to live happy.
It's a long way to come to 12 years of marriage, 16 years of relationship. With this, I wish ourselves a happy anniversary on the coming 22nd May.
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9 comments:
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It's not to late to consider my proposal, u know..... Wo hai ai ni...
I would like to wish you both a Happy Anniversary in advance.
I don't believe that you should psyche yourself on those 3 items you listed. You could perhaps let your spouse feel cared for and asked him to make you feel cared for as well. Of course I am aware that it is easier said than done. But does your spouse know about these feelings of yours? Perhaps you can email him this post of yours.
Happy Anniversary! Pak Tau Tou lou. Who says marriage is a bed of roses..NEVER. I took the short cut ;(
Happy Anniversary to you & other half...
I guess no couples (maybe there are but definately not mine) are perfect. I found this website and it has got some good articles.
http://www.aish.com/f/m/Spouse_vs_Kids.html
goolypop,
i am beginning to suspect you are actually my ex-boypren. ;P
mun,
thank you. yeah, i tried talking to a cow before, didn't work. sigh... cows! i mean, men!
lil lamb,
not easy, huh? i no guts to take short cut!
juju,
not asking for perfection, you missed my point. i'm not asking for anything now, better liddat. thanks for your idea though.
Oh, I just clicked on the article Juju suggested and read the article excerpted from Emotional Infidelity, by M Gary Neuman.
I have to confess that I own a copy of this book - "Emotional Infidelity", bought in 2007 when I was really unhappy and was thinking of taking the short cut. Thus proving that even without children, marriage is not a bed of roses BUT sometimes cows do listen so try talking to the cow before it is too late.
congrats on your 12 years. i for one is waiting for the right time to do it, it takes courage. if i don't have the 3 furry monsters, i would have long gone.
so sad reading this .... :(
it's clearly that the cow isn't realizing how u feel, i always believe ... cow of this type would only wake up when somethg bad happens. but i hope that will never happens coz u hv a BIG heart! since u already made up yr mind to stay that way, just live it up happily lor :D
we got to yum char again, just in case u need my shoulder *hehe*
happy anniversary ya *hugs*
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