Managing the terrible 2 phase.

A few nights ago, my sis in law called me. It was indeed a surprise, since she hardly calls to look for me specifically, though we do chat or socialize on FB online once in awhile.

She is going through this "terrible 2" phase of her bblui and asking for my opinion on how to tackle this awful phase since I have the experience from 3 kids. I can tell she's very frustrated and yet guilty and yet worried. I know the feeling since I had been there before. But that certainly didn't mean I know the answer to that.

I can only offer some solutions as every child has their own uniqueness and she has to use the trial and method to see which way works for her child. Otherwise, she can wait as I assured her this phase would pass, definitely.

This became a topic of conversation with my regular chat-kaki online, and she had said something I didn't think of before. From her experience, it's more of how the parents talk to the child even at that young tender age. Instead of giving orders, albeit with a soft tone or not, she suggested to "ask".

For example, instead of telling the child to wash her hands after coming home from school, can it be "Can you please go and wash your hands? They are dirty after a day's out" than "GO wash your hands NOW".

It makes sense, doesn't it?

I tried to reflect on myself these several days to check how my tone is when asking them to do some tasks. Really, when I change my tone and ask them "can you please.... ", it does work. But not always though. And my patience would be running thin. Grrr....

How many of us parents have this kind of patience to show respect when talking to their child? I respect them, really. And this is for you, goolymama, to show me this light, and I'm always amazed how good you are in this tough job called parenting. (can babysit them now? suen pin teach them something or two?)

Airasia Sales, so difficult to grab some tickets

I wasted half a day trying to grab the lowfare tickets to Gold Coast on AA website for next year's June. It's no use, I had been clicking and clicking, waiting and waiting. Either I was directed to a "waiting room" or a "try again" or the "choose a fare" page which made me giddy with excitement for awhile, only to find out some blardy errors popping out which prohibit me from moving on. I so wanted to give up, yet so wanted to get the deal.

Why?

That's because last Saturday we were sucked into buying an expensive membership which offers very affordable accommodation and travel packages for around the world. It was the longest ever presentation we had been to. 5 hours! FIVE WHOLE HOURS!!! And that was at night! We were both drifting into half consciousness but we couldn't go home as our ICs were with them to claim our holiday voucher which features 4d/3n at Berjaya Langkawi/ Redang/ Tioman. Yeah, we are so cheap. Suckers for giveaways like these to waste several precious hours in our lifetime on a Saturday evening!

But we have 10 cooling off days, and I am so gonna cancel it. That is if I can't get any tickets to Gold Coast and utilize their very cheap deals as they claimed.

After wasting a whole weekend evening just like that, on Sunday I was really very tired. We lazed around at home while waiting for their dad to come home from his meeting.

In the afternoon we "celebrated" our anniversary at a hi-tea buffet in a nice hotel in KL city. By the time we were back home again, it was about 5pm, doodle dwindle here and there, practically waiting for bedtime, and at 7.30, off to bed!! They should be very very tired as they woke up pretty early even though they slept so late the night before.



I would have climbed onto bed too myself, but seeing it was not even 10 yet, I turned on the TV and watched a movie. By the time it was over, oh boy! I was so darn exhausted! In fact, I'm still am as of now.

Our marriage of 12 years

Very often, I asked myself if I had been the wife I would like to have if I were a man. I gave up building on a career for myself, not a sacrifice, if I may add, but indeed a luxury as I get the chance to watch the kids growing up right before my eyes every single day. For this, I'm indeed grateful to my hub for supporting us and working so hard to bring bread and butter home.

Throughout the years, our paradigm shifted, mine more towards the well-being and nurturing of the kids while the hub is very engrossed on earning more income to be able to retire comfortably in later years.

His work stress builds up, our communication becomes less, he's frustrated he feels uncared for as I seem to focus on the kids only. He seeks attention and starts picking on me, while I start to feel unappreciated with low self worth. Many a quarrel started with trivial stuffs, but hankering on these few basic reasons.

Instead of hoping for a change in him, I know there are only 2 ways I can move forward. Either take it or leave it.

I feel like giving up but would feel awfully berat hati. I wanted to see less of him but would miss him. It's really a painful love hate relationship. So, it's only the other option to take it.

In order to take it without hurting myself anymore, I am striving to psyche myself that

1. It's ok to be unappreciated.
2. It's ok that I don't get the things I love, from him.
3. It's ok he doesn't feel it's a need to talk carefully and jaga my hati since we are an old couple.

For if I were to die tomorrow, these aren't the important stuffs anymore. If he realize it by then, or not, it's not the most important things in my worry list anymore. In fact, there would be nothing to worry about. It's all relativity. These would be so trivial when compared to death, or illness.

I want to live happy.

It's a long way to come to 12 years of marriage, 16 years of relationship. With this, I wish ourselves a happy anniversary on the coming 22nd May.

Backbend

Fun!

VIP guest for the past few days.

My dad just left after a 7d/6n vacation at Residensi Gargles.

The kids had a blast playing with his iPad.

I loaded more pics and deleted some away as the last time when they were uploaded, it was done in a hurry and included all 9-c-lap-sap pics. Upload some songs in it too, which includes the latest hits. He surely would impress the hot aunties back home soon!

Loaded more games for him and he was busy all day still trying to figure out how to play those burung tersangat marah or feh-la-li racing.

Took him along enroute to school, and gave him a chance to pick meimei up after her school team's practice one day, of course with korkor tagging along. Not to say don't trust him la, but better provide some backup, haimoe?

One day I had him driving round town with korkor in tow again, supposedly to drop the washing machine mechanic back to his workshop. And pandainya... he didn't think it was a necessity to bring a hanpon. Amazingly they made it home again after a 30 mins long adventure around the town.

After this period of stay together, I am just thinking here, he's really getting old. Very forgetful and very ngam-cham. Everything also repeat several times. But I'm so glad he doesn't feel angry when I sometimes just a teeny weeny bit marah him or tease him. He's bubbly for a 70 years old ah pek, really.

Lost and found.

The fear of losing your own child wouldn't be comprehended fully until the time when it really happens, even for a good few seconds or minutes, worst, for hours or days.

I had this first hand experience myself a few years ago. My eldest son, at that time, 6+ yo, wandered out by himself when the music class was over whilst I was busy at the counter settling some stuffs. I was expecting him to be right behind me as we came out from the class and it was that one small but destructive assumption which sent my soul totally lost when I realized he was nowhere to be seen in the school.

My eyes went misty, my mind raced crazy mad, my heart wanted to jump out, I was at the verge of becoming insane and I was so scared. The world suddenly seemed so huge for me when I imagine that a small little guy like him wandering around out on the open streets on his own and I was fearing the biggest fear of not seeing my beloved son again. It sure is not an experience that any mothers would like to have in their lifetime. But you wouldn't know how it's 100 times worse going through it than just fearing it would happen for real itself.

When I finally found him again, after sometime which seemed like days, the relief that spewed out was indescribable. I just wanted to hug him tight and promised not to ever, ever lose him so carelessly again. Apparently, he was right behind me coming down from the stairs together, then I had walked to the counter assuming he would be right at my tail when in actual fact, he diverted to the doorway, out from that shop. He then thought I had left him behind when he couldn't see me anywhere and quickly walked out from that row of shops, turned right to the quiet alley into the complex behind where I would usually park my car. That was the route we most often took as we attended his weekly music classes.

When I found him, following the trail quickly, keeping my fingers crossed that he had taken that route to the car too, he was wailing so hard at the counter with several people surrounding him. I felt guilty to the max for losing my own son, feeling like the worst mom on earth. The people were relieved too that mother and son were reunited again, and I could vividly remember hearing, some asking me not to scold him. How would I have the heart to? I should have kicked myself in the ass instead! How could I possibly be assuming he was right behind me, following my back! Kids, they are that vulnerable. They sometimes drift in their own thoughts and totally forgotten about where they were or what they were doing. Or something could easily catch their eyes that divert their attention away.That moment I saw him again, I prayed a silent pray that God had been kind or an angel was looking after him, and fortunately, no abductors were around who would have easily taken advantage of his vulnerability at that time.


I realized too that I should have taught him about the basics of his safety even before he starts to talk! I didn't even make him memorize our handphone numbers! I had taken this very important topic for granted so much, as I had heaps on confidence that I wouldn't lose sight of him at all! Never ever procrastinate to create awareness of safety in our children. It's never too early for that matter.

So what do you do to create awareness in your children? Let's just share.

For a start, I would talk to them that this is real, this is happening, not a fairy tale spinned from my empty head to create this fear in them. Showing them pictures of missing children, newspaper reports and discussing what might have happened to them . Read books on safety to enforce their awareness. What to do and not to do when in case, they really get lost. Memorize hard our phone numbers! Tell them to take care of one another. Not to talk to strangers even when it seems to be rude. Mannerism lessons have to be compromised a bit here, sorry.

But is that good enough? The best that I can do? Are the kids well prepared and remember well what I told them? Nooooo!!!! I still see them running around after school, each their own ways, responding to strangers and possibly, I wildly guess, throw every safety lessons I tried drilling in them, out of the window if an unfortunate planned abduction occurs. Because, they are just children after all, innocent and happy. We just shouldn't let our guards down even when we think they are big enough or learned enough to handle these matters.It can happen anywhere, at anytime, to anyone and at any age. Keep both eyes on our children like hawks as when it really happens, believe me, you sure wished that you have superpowers to turn back time to that second they went missing.

Days of not folding laundry

The beginning of 4.

Today, the best thing that ever happened was the kids" bear hugs, followed by a call from a very dear friend in Penang (THANKS, SM!) and able to have lunch with a cutesy happy mommy.

Else, everything totally sucks!

Didn't imagine this is it, the starting of 40's.

Happy Birthday to myself *wipe tears away*

On the run

The past 2 days, I ran on the treadmill. 5 mins to warm up, 15 mins jog and another 5 to 10 mins cool down.

By the 5 mins on the run, I could feel my legs wobbly and I told myself I just couldn't make it and to abort the run idea. But another part of my brain tells me to keep on running, that I can do it and do not give up.

I listened to that part of the brain and persisted. When the body reaches its momentum, somehow it is easier to keep it up.

Yeah! I made it for 2 days in a row. Covered about 2+ km each run and it felt good with sweat running down the face, instead of tears.

Though it's nothing much comparatively, but I dare not push myself too hard since I hadn't been running for a long long while. I kept imagining I would roll down from the moving conveyor and create an ugly scene in the gym. Not a pretty good sight, ain't it?

Hope to shed some stubborn fat away, but I guess, I shall hope more that I would keep it going.

Me? Contributing to a newsletter?

Recently, a friend asked me to contribute a write up on the topic of child trafficking. Naturally, I wasn't very confident since I haven't tried my hand on writing anything serious before. Crap yes, but on such a serious issue? And for a charity newsletter? I was surely biting all my fingers and toes' nails! *faint*

Then, a light bulb moment came and I started recollecting an incident once upon a time when I lost my child for a good few minutes out in the open streets. I was afraid to tell to anyone as I felt awful guilty for being such a lousy mom, but I meant to note it down, just for remembrance sake, but procrastinated. So that came as a good excuse to finally put my memories of that event which happened 5 years ago but which I could still remember the details so well, to print.

I wrote it out like I would in a blog, and sent to her. She replied telling me it's good! I was elated, but knowing how diplomatic she is, I couldn't be 100% confident. Anyway. She sent me back an edited version, where I started comparing, and realized *gasp* there were soooo many grammar errors!! It was so much smoother reading her version than mine. Now, I'm wondering if I should put up mine or the edited version over here.

Anyhow, it was a nice experience, and I was surely beaming with joy when she says she will use it and put my name in there. Though only 300 copies in circulation, but I really do not care if anyone reads.

At the salon

Getting her hair tied up in a bun by a pro, only to realize later that I CAN DO THAT TOO!! What a total waste of money!

Another one of those days.

Feelings hurt by the hub yet again, I hid myself in the kids' room with didi and meimei and couldn't help crying in front of them. It was their bedtime hour. Meimei went sad and misty eyed seeing me cry while giving me bear hugs and lugging close to my side. Didi was rather cold hearted. Really lengjai moe boon sum. He kept a distance and didn't offer any comforting words. Pity his future girlfriends! If it's your daughter, let me advise you this, loving him would be very sanfu!

As for korkor, he came in and went out to report about the gloomy weather to his papa. Then much later, as I went back out and in again to my room, papa came in to talk to me. Korkor followed suit and tell his dad "leave mommy alone laa...", seeing me crying even more as we talked. Then he went out after being ordered.

Later, before he went to sleep, he came in and asked "how is your mood already? are you feeling better now?". I asked if he could give me a hug, and he came over and did just that.

I can't describe enough how comforting it was.

My early birthday present.

Last night, whilst grocery shopping at Carrefour, the hub suddenly saw something that didn't belong in the trolley. He picked it up, and asked me "do you need this?". I said no, but I like it, and can? He pulled on a long sour bittergourd face while I turned away to convince myself I didn't see that coming. But I turned back and said "ok lak, jiao dorng hai ngo sang yat lei mud, can or not?" He didn't say anything and paid for it at the counter.

Now, everyone, isn't that so pathetic? Yes, I admit, it's something I don't need but love to have. But I have to justify for something that I like to buy? And that's how I get my birthday pressies these days? Sigh... compared to the dating time, it's sky and ground, man! The perils of marriage!

By the rate this is going, I think I already claimed my future pressies just as well. Will I live up to age 100?

And people, just guess how much he paid for that thing I don't need but love to have? If you guess correctly, I will buy the exact same thing for you!

Transformer make up

Over the weekend, I attended a wedding of my hub's cousin. All my inlaws were here for the occasion and we were out for like almost the whole of 3 days, except back for a shower and dressing up for the dinner.

Since I have very little opportunity to put on make up and transform myself, this time I put in a little bit more effort into this task. And the end result? I was so pleased with myself. I looked so good. At least I felt I looked very good. Though I think it was more suitable for a halloween party.

Korkor did comment on my make up. He said I looked like a panda. I think a beautiful panda at that. Or at least I consoled myself to be. I didn't ask him further.

Do you want to see a pic? Nahh... I didn't dare to take any pictures of myself, and I hope I wasn't photographed either during the night. sigh....

Disney on Ice on April Fools day

It was their first "Disney on Ice" experience, but not mine or my hub's. We took korkor to watch it when we were in Brunei, he was about 3yo then, I think.

I didn't plan to watch it with them initially. A few days before the show, a friend sms-ed me to ask if I was interested to take up 4 tickets for the show for half its value. Apparently, her friend won them through a contest and couldn't make it as the tickets were for Friday night and they stay in Ipoh. I said ok, and she couriered them over and there we were!

Coincidentally, korkor had tuition class that night and since he's too big for these kiddo shows and the fact he went to one before, though he couldn't remember that, we went without him. The two of them were fascinated and I have to say, disney productions are always so impressive, at least to me. The performers skate too well, I so wished I could skate like that. But I couldn't even stand on those thin sharp blades!

The performance was really superb, with the songs, costumes, stage props, I was mesmerized and get misty eyes. I swear I'm not going to another Disney on Ice shows anymore!

It was getting too late for meimei and she was almost dozing off at its last part. Poor her! Sure exhausted la, after her gym training for 2 hours at school just as well! We went home and slept dreaming disney dreams.

Another tooth dropped.

On that birthday dinner night, didi had another dropped tooth! And he looks soooo toothless now! Look at him!

The other gigi taring is still yet to be seen sprouting out, but I heard the longest timeframe you can give a new tooth to appear is 1.5 years. So, I think by the end of the year, if it's not coming out yet, I have to do something! Or maybe even earlier.

With these teeth set, I have to cut all his food up to biteable sizes again, just like when he was a baby. Memories!

Celebrating my dad's 70th b'day

Acting upon my mom's suggestion brought up last year to celebrate my dad's turning 70, as we missed the boat for his 60th year, my brothers and I planned ahead for it months before this date.

The Labor's day weekend was a good time to hold the event, though short, but still better than just a normal weekend as all 3 of us staying at Spore and Thailand would be able to make it home together in 1 go.

All of us got home on that Friday and met up at Woolley's, and oh boy, there were a lot of food court stuffs I myself hadn't eaten for a long time. Seeham, jut-lor, ikan pari, yau-yu-ngong-choi, go figure what they are! Yum yum!

We all bunked in at our old home, sans me and my hub, coz there were really not enough space!

The next day, I went over and picked them up to attend church service. All except my hub, coz he's an AQ's member! Our tummies were growling by the time it was over and all I could think of was the curry mee. The famous shop of curry mee in Jln Hugh Low had sold out! Fortunately I was smartie pants enough to drive my passengers right in front of the shop to drop them off first. We quickly detoured to another one, frantically in search for curry, no matter what. Oh boy! I could have another bowl of that! With the cham-ping and my closest family around, what more can be appetizing than that.

After that brunch, my teenage nephew was hurrying me to scoot off for the next activity. Geez! It was so darn hard to find an activity to suit all of us. There are basically 4 sub-groups in this group of people here.

1. Young kids from age 6 to 8
2. Teenagers from 13 to 16
3. Adults from 40 to 45
4. Elderly from 67 to 70

Only korkor stood out like a sore thumb, as he is neither group 1 nor 2. Poor kiddo! The stuffs that interests the young ones are too lame for him and the teenagers find him too small. He's just neither here nor there.

In the end, we went for a session of bowling, instead of the Lost World, as I suggested. I guess only the adults (that's us!) are the most accommodating people. Did we have fun, you bet! But I think it would be better if all of us jam at my home in KL instead. The kids can still bowl from Wii, and we can just sit and chat and eat. Well, anyway...

We rest for awhile and get prepared for the dinner at 7. There were 4 big tables reserved and it was very crowded. Absolutely full house, with a wedding dinner at the same venue. The night went well, and best part was to see my parents really really happy. They were beaming with so much joy in their faces! And when my dad saw the iPad, my mom wanted to open it up! Lucky I managed to save it! Else, there goes 1.5k...

My nephew asked me why we get an iPad for his yehyeh. I told him because we all wanted that for ourselves, don't we?? He was dumbfounded, but jokes aside, I further explained to him that we should not discriminate the old folks and give an opportunity for them to explore and enjoy the beauty of the new technologies and the delight it can bring to them. I do hope from this, he and our kids would learn too that they shouldn't abandon us when we get old and involve us with even advance technology in the future. Selfish thoughts, isn't it? Yeah, admittedly so. *guilty*

But then again, if it's a win-win situation, I believe it's the best choice! Dad is too happy with his new toy and he is showing off the pictures we took during the weekend to anyone who's interested, or not, for that matter. He even wanted to sign up for computer courses now! haha! That would keep him very occupied. And hopefully my ears can take some rest with the rants from each of them when there's a battle ensued. Sigh! Did I story before how my dad would call me often to complain about mom, then my mom tell her side of story, yada yada yada... I don't like being referee, but I know they just wanted to let it out of their system and all would be good again, but .... can't they just call up my brothers for a change??

Well, ok, here's some pictures from that night...






Happy birthday, dad! We all love you.

Busy leh

I just spent an awesome weekend, followed by a mad traffic crawl back to KL, and ended with another wonderful gathering with schoolmates. Oh, dear! I'm still in a daze. Lucky I'm not about to start my moonlighting job soon, have to make use of this time to finish off some urgent deadline tasks.

This weekend would be another busy time ahead, with a wedding coming up from my inlaw's relative, and everyone jamming in KL. I am pretty sure the kids would be running wild again, where got time to do revisions for their coming exam in 2 weeks' time? Oh dear, oh dear. *sweat*