The past few days.

Though we all know, death is unavoidable, everyone will die, and it's better to have the young sending the old away than the other way round to spare them the pain of the loss, nevertheless, it still scares the piss out of me to bear the thought of not seeing my most beloved parents forever.

I knew and planned what I had wanted to blog on Monday, when suddenly I had a call from my dad saying they were in the clinic, mom was found to have very high blood pressure and could be admitted to hospital for monitoring. Everything was irrelevant, nothing else matters anymore and all I wanted to do was to drop everything and rush home to see her and be with her.

When I talked to her over the phone, I knew she was worried, and happy to hear I would be back to be her companion for the days when my dad will be back to work. And that was also the first time I drove back alone with the kids, having anxiety myself what I would do if anything were to happen halfway on the journey home. I suppose I couldn't worry too much.

I got home safely, and I saw her pale and tired, which really took all my energy to compose myself and keeping calm. It wouldn't be any use to panic at that moment, would it? The night seemed so long, and how regretful I was not to have memorize the tips in my spam mails about the first aid to give when stroke or heart attack happens, though I am not so sure if these are the things related to high BP. Jeez.. how I missed the internet when at least I could have googled some information to use during emergencies.

Hence, the next thing I could think of was to consult my own brother and pressing on the alarm button, he called from US to give me a crash course on what things she or I need to look out for and what I could do the next day.

I called up the specialist the next day to ask about her condition and he told me to take her right back instead of waiting for another day for follow up as planned. We quickly went on with it and it was such a relief to see her BP had dropped, with effect from the medication she took. We also asked him why she had become so tired and apparently, it was the other medication he gave her to "calm her down", which could make her so sleepy. And he advised her to drop that off, since it was not needed, and on the contrary made her feel even more anxious.

I went on to buy her a home monitoring BP for home use, and taught her how to use the equipment, after scrutinizing the manual stressfully, as I left my glasses at home. After 2 more nights back in my own home where I grew up in and officially left on my wedding, I had to leave her with my aunt, as I had to come back to KL for our holiday this weekend. Else, I would have took her home with me.

It was with a heavy burdened heart though, I am just so worried that the sudden surge in her BP was just a symptom of something even more serious with her heart as she said she had felt very uncomfortable with her thumping heart before. I could only pray that her coming whole body check up would confirm everything is ok. Please let it be. I just can't bear the thought of losing her yet.