Snippets of home.

Kitchen, where I slave most of the time.

Books for decoration purpose.

Alcoholic beverages, for drinking, obviously.

Little people playing some music when we are asleep.

Some of the origami works produced by didi.

Some cute stuff for holding tissue box.

Masterpieces by them!!!

Nice??

Our favorite high-tea in Ipoh

It has got to be this kopitiam along Gunung Rapat main road.

They serve a variety of stuffed items, fish paste are made by their own. My absolute favorite would be the fishballs, and a newly variation of it now is the fishballs with bits of coriander leaves mixed in it. Absolutely fantastic!

The queue can go up to waiting for more than 20 people to be served first before you, depending on the season. Long weekends or festivals, definitely spill-out crowd.

I love the drinks they serve here too. The soft touch is that it's cooked rather than those normal packs or cans which can be conveniently bought from giant hypermarkets. My pick would be the kedondong drink AND the red bean dessert. Hubs usually asks for the barley soya with pakkor. We would then share among ourselves and fight over the last sip.

That's the recipe for success! People are just coming back for more. Both my hubs and I are certainly part of them!

It's located near the wet market of Gunung Rapat and opened from noon till... well, I think the food runs out, like maybe 3? Let me know if you can't find it still, I recommend some other place for you in Terengganu! (So you go play far far and don't hog the kopitiam when we go back!)

Happy camper, I surely am one!

I have 2 new babies recently, and for these, I am so in love with my hubs!!!!

One of them was the one I mentioned sometime ago, something which some crazy readers thought it could vacuum and process food (what does go on in their minds?? *looking for a fight*)

So far, I made soya bean drinks, peanut dessert, black sesame dessert, lots of red dates and 5 other stuffs from the chinese herbs stores, absolutely turning out awesome! I love the new baby very much.

And just last week, I finally had the Sony NEX interchangeable lens camera. My parents and kids asked why I do need another new camera when we can take pictures with the iPhone and iPad. How do I explain about the love of a hobby? People should be passionate about their own hobbies! That's the key to living a contented and happy life.

Now, I just need to have the 3rd baby I am so craving for.... that one, I need someone to help me carry it from the US. Can anyone help? *sob* baby, how much I want you....

My miscarriage in 2001

The other night, I recounted the ordeal I had before in 2001 to korkor.

We were in Taiwan before he turned 1, and during the last few weeks, I discovered I was pregnant. I saw some spotting later and a visit to the doctor told me the devastating news that the baby had no heartbeat anymore. I held my tears in front of the doctor and couldn't help breaking down right after I stepped out of the clinic.

I cried till my eyes were numbed while hubs went back to work. I never felt so much sorrow before, and there were noone to help ease my feelings apart from korkor who was surprisingly better behaved that afternoon. I always thought he sensed I felt sad and didn't make any fuss before his sleeping time (for the first time!)

We then started packing our bags and stuffs and I was busy moving around till the day we flew home.

We celebrated korkor's 1st birthday together with family on that Sat afternoon and took 2 other kids to jalan-jalan at Jusco. Halfway walking around, I felt some sensational pain in the tummy area and urged hubs to go home, leave the kids to our moms and go see doctor. Can't wait till Monday.

The pain was getting more intense as we went around, but the bleeding couldn't wait till we reach the hospital. I felt the sudden outburst of big lumps of blood gushing out from my you-know-where while in the car, and hubs didn't know where ISC was! I panicked but still managed to compose myself to direct him the way anyway. I dared not look at the car's cushion.

Eventually, I was lying down on the bed in emergency room, the 2nd time after a year plus ago, at the same A&E. I asked for the doctor I know from that 1st time, and very soon, she was right in front of me. She asked me if I knew her, I think she was surprised that I asked for her as she didn't recognize me as one of her patients.

I told her about the story of my life (which was cut rather short) and she asked if I felt dizzy. I told her no and she replied, good.

As the doctor and nurses went about doing their "stuffs", I took a look (for the first time) on the blood I was in. What I saw really shocked me. The level almost covering half of me! Awhile later, I felt dizzy and I quickly told the doctor who was beside me all the time. When she heard that, she sounded anxious and barked at the nurses to STAY with her and assist her urgently. She said she needed to do the D&C right there instead of the operation room, without the anesthetic.

It was a very uncomfortable experience as I felt like someone using a high suction power vacuum to suck the placenta out of my private part, but it was a huge relief when it was out. She told me to hang on as she did it a 2nd time and finally I was relieved of the ordeal.

I still needed to be anesthetized for the doctor to "clean" me up. While I was still conscious, I cried and asked the doctor why this happened, if it's because I did something wrong, or ate something not right. She warmly consoled me that this wasn't my fault and these things do happen.

When I was unconscious, I remember I had this feeling of lying down in a water tunnel sliding backwards, facing up. I then saw a light at the end of the tunnel and felt a very vague glimpse of my unborn child, bidding farewell. It was probably my imagination, but that was what I remembered in my state of unconsciousness. When I was conscious again, I saw hubs in front of me. The first thing I asked him? Did I receive any blood? I did not want to have Aids! Crazy thoughts running in my mind!

Then I asked him why he was inside the operation room. He said the doctor allowed him to go in and see me, and she said I was feeling very bad about the miscarriage, that he might like to console me. How thoughtful of her.

I stayed in hospital for 1 night, and that night, I felt very thankful I am still alive and still around to take care of korkor. That experience had scared the shit skin out of me, so I am more wary from then on.

My 4th baby.

When I was young, I had wanted and imagined, I will have 4 children. 2 boys and 2 girls. Perfect!

But, now that I'm in my 40s, I don't think it's possible to realize it anymore. Not only the age is a factor, but raising up another kiddo in this age is an entirely different story.

Everything is getting expensive. Not only we need to provide the 4th child with the basic necessities, there's the nurturing, the education fund, the bringing up part... I'm already way too exhausted with these 3. And I'm very contented and happy to have these beautiful children, born perfectly without any deformities and average intelligence. They bring me much happiness, joy and pride that no other ways would (though there are some bad days!). So that's pretty good enough.

I had also thought out what the big gap it is between the 4th bb and us. Not easy when she is in the teenage years, struggling to cope with the mixed feelings. Probably the korkors and jiejie would be too busy paktoh-ing to entertain her. I say it's her, because I wanted to have another girl than a boy. But how would I know I would be so lucky to get a girl, right?

Thinking of getting pregnant and having our settled lifestyles hauled upside down once again gives me the shivers. Then again, if it had really meant to be, I would still be embracing the baby with a warm heart. She's after all, my child, and a gift from heaven.

A night of good show.

We were invited to a fancy dinner function by some freaking mysterious investment group some weeks ago.

Everyone was dressed formally like VIPs. It was a mighty good show of the so called VVIPs' presence, like rich and famous people (whom I haven't heard before anyway), paparazzis hovering around clicking their cameras and shooting the video cam on them all, magic shows, lousy speeches, participants' testimonials, great giveaways of iPhone4, iPad2, cash, Macbooks, cars (wow!) and good food, good service.

Among those who gave their speeches, this funny joker who was introduced as the CEO or something, was reading word by word from a script without much confidence. Our friend said they had probably lift him somewhere around from Bkt Bintang just a few hours ago. He looked like a foreigner with a hawt look but didn't seem impressive at all.

The ambience looked a bit like those pyramid schemer's meetings, with half of the audience chanting some taglines out loud, but probably the difference is some are really loaded people, unlike those who pretend to be loaded (like us!).

That night, the only something new I learned or saw for the first time is beatboxing. You know what is a beatboxer?

Apparently, this little youngster named Shawn Lee is Malaysia's no. 1 in some nationwide challenge and no.9 in the world's. It was interesting for a short while, but after sometime, I thought it was too loud and noisy and partly irritating too. My hubs commented he sees didi in him! *jaws dropped* What can I say?

His performance with a violinist was pretty good, I'd say! I came home and google their names up to check them up!

Still, I went home knowing nothing about what they do and thinking the whole event was merely just a show, to lure greedy people putting more of their money into their bank accounts.

There are some good days, there are some bad...

This evening is one of those evenings I felt bad about being a mom.

Many months ago, meimei who used to be so much younger then, would be making a fuss when the korkor said something that doesn't even make sense but she make it deemed that he was talking about her.

After numerous frustrated occasions, we told her to learn to ignore him, and that he wasn't talking about her either.

It worked for awhile and he stopped annoying her and she, with all her cries (which can be really a big pain!)

Then, soon, came the nicknames calling and the challenge of see-who-can-come-up-with-better-names.

It annoys me to no end and eventually, one day, I put a stop to it, harshly!

The younger ones did stop but somehow, korkor, I can't understand why, just couldn't abide with my demand. He keeps on and on with this little nick for his little sister and everytime, she runs to me complaining about it, I would plead and beg him to please stop that.

I explained that it hurts her feeling, it hurts mine too, because names are precious gifts, the very first gifts parents give to their offspring and it has a special meaning. Each of their names were thought out thoroughly, to be made sure it is auspicious conferring to their birthdates and times.

I don't like it, in fact, I despise it when I was young when people call me by names other than my own. I don't even fancy giving myself another "christian" name, or for the sake of easy calling from my counterparts in US last time when I was working in Intel. I think they should just get used to calling my name or just call me by my surname if they wished (but I still find it weird that people would be calling me by that though)

So, he understood where my reasons lie in. Or so I thought.

This evening, I don't know why my temper flared, I was very angry when it happened again, and I scolded him even harsher than the last and belittle him in front of his siblings. I asked him how he felt when people call him by nicknames, he answered he didn't care. I felt hurt inside.

What he thought was that that his sister is being too sensitive and ought to be trained to feel nonchalant about these matters.

I told him, no, he's wrong. She's sensitive about this issue, that's ok, that's her and her character. It's not her problem, and it's not his job to so called "train" her up too. It's her feelings and her emotions and it's good that one has them rather than not to have them.

I went over and over lecturing him about this whole name-calling issue and eventually, I softened up and told him to go and say sorry to his sister and to tell her that he loves her.

When they were on their beds behind closed door, I could still hear them talking loudly. I could tell, korkor felt spiteful towards them and blame them for his scoldings that he got from me.

I felt very hurt and seriously, I hate myself as a mom! What am I doing to them? I seem to be creating more hatred among them! It's the last thing that any moms in this world would like to see!

After a long hour of me talking again, eventually, I told him "you must love your sister, your one and only sister in this whole world, in your whole entire life, no matter if you like it or not". Yes, I'm a dictator. I don't know what else to say or do anymore.

Sigh... I hate being a mom! But I love them all, with all my heart and soul, and I wish that they would grow to be close to each other even when they are all grown up later and lead their own lives. I so hoping I'm doing something right around here!