Many months ago, meimei who used to be so much younger then, would be making a fuss when the korkor said something that doesn't even make sense but she make it deemed that he was talking about her.
After numerous frustrated occasions, we told her to learn to ignore him, and that he wasn't talking about her either.
It worked for awhile and he stopped annoying her and she, with all her cries (which can be really a big pain!)
Then, soon, came the nicknames calling and the challenge of see-who-can-come-up-with-better-names.
It annoys me to no end and eventually, one day, I put a stop to it, harshly!
The younger ones did stop but somehow, korkor, I can't understand why, just couldn't abide with my demand. He keeps on and on with this little nick for his little sister and everytime, she runs to me complaining about it, I would plead and beg him to please stop that.
I explained that it hurts her feeling, it hurts mine too, because names are precious gifts, the very first gifts parents give to their offspring and it has a special meaning. Each of their names were thought out thoroughly, to be made sure it is auspicious conferring to their birthdates and times.
I don't like it, in fact, I despise it when I was young when people call me by names other than my own. I don't even fancy giving myself another "christian" name, or for the sake of easy calling from my counterparts in US last time when I was working in Intel. I think they should just get used to calling my name or just call me by my surname if they wished (but I still find it weird that people would be calling me by that though)
So, he understood where my reasons lie in. Or so I thought.
This evening, I don't know why my temper flared, I was very angry when it happened again, and I scolded him even harsher than the last and belittle him in front of his siblings. I asked him how he felt when people call him by nicknames, he answered he didn't care. I felt hurt inside.
What he thought was that that his sister is being too sensitive and ought to be trained to feel nonchalant about these matters.
I told him, no, he's wrong. She's sensitive about this issue, that's ok, that's her and her character. It's not her problem, and it's not his job to so called "train" her up too. It's her feelings and her emotions and it's good that one has them rather than not to have them.
I went over and over lecturing him about this whole name-calling issue and eventually, I softened up and told him to go and say sorry to his sister and to tell her that he loves her.
When they were on their beds behind closed door, I could still hear them talking loudly. I could tell, korkor felt spiteful towards them and blame them for his scoldings that he got from me.
I felt very hurt and seriously, I hate myself as a mom! What am I doing to them? I seem to be creating more hatred among them! It's the last thing that any moms in this world would like to see!
After a long hour of me talking again, eventually, I told him "you must love your sister, your one and only sister in this whole world, in your whole entire life, no matter if you like it or not". Yes, I'm a dictator. I don't know what else to say or do anymore.
Sigh... I hate being a mom! But I love them all, with all my heart and soul, and I wish that they would grow to be close to each other even when they are all grown up later and lead their own lives. I so hoping I'm doing something right around here!
2 comments:
I can feel you there. I hate it too when my sister call me nicknames and she too tell me that I am over-sensitive. I can tell that you are doing your best as a mother.
I just wonder why the big brother like to tease his little sister with nicknames and where did he get the idea that he needs to toughen her up? Did he learn it from his friends in school?
*bow*
thanks for the compliment.
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