A wake and a funeral

Last weekend was a very sad one for me. Not only me.

It was on a Friday morning I received a call to tell me that he was at the hospital and wasn't looking promising. The doctors had summoned my close good buddy (his wife) and his families to gather round him. Several minutes later, I was told he passed away.

Needless to say, I broke down in tears, several 200kms away from my close buddy. I made a few calls to a few of our closer friends and made plans to travel over for his wake and funeral, to be there for his wife and give her moral support and big huge hugs.

I decided that night I had to go back up north earlier and took the train home on Sat afternoon instead of Sun morning. It wasn't very difficult arranging how the kids to be babysat. Thank Lord for hubs' cousin sisters whom the kids absolutely adore and his brother who took care of their first 2 meals of the day. Bless them.

I realized this was the very first wake/ funeral of someone in the "friends" league and they had only had 6 marriage years together. It was devastating. But I know I should be encouraging my friend to be strong and not be a wretch (which I probably would have looked that night from the amount of tears flowing helplessly)

She gave a very warm and touching eulogy to her dear husband and I salute her for holding back those tears. Meanwhile I sat at the back, sobbing and continuously wiping away the tears until I feel the tinge of pain from all those rubbing. Thank goodness I carry a pack of wet tissues around and figured out it's more comforting to use rather than those dry ones.

At the last part of the wake, we were invited to walk round the coffin led by the family members. I felt reluctant to go but the other friend urged me along. That was the emotional moment when all those tears flowed uncontrollably from everyone who attended. We shook hands with my friend's family members, gave hugs to the grieving wife and cried together with them.

After that, some refreshment was served and she joined us, the few of us from varsity days to chat for awhile  and even made some jokes herself. I so love this woman. She's really special in her own ways.

I had to make a quick run at that time cause my parents were waiting for me after a dinner with a few relatives somewhere else. That night, I didn't sleep well, needless to say.

The next morning, hubs with 3 more friends arrived in Ipoh. I joined them for breakfast and then we moved to the church grounds again for the funeral proceedings.

My friend looked more worn out than the night before, probably exhausted and didn't have any good night's sleep or probably the day of sending him off forever was here. We cried even more that time and proceeded to accompany them as much as possible, making a round to their home, then to the burial ground, followed by a lunch provided by the church, and finally back to her home before returning back to KL.

How I wish I could have stayed on for her. But unfortunately, I can't as I have commitments towards my family, my children. I do hope she's ok. It's not going to be easy, being a single parent to a young son who's only 3 this year.

Many feelings ran across my mind those 2 days. I was wondering if my presence would make any difference to my friend? If fussing over her would helped to ease her pain? What can I do to help her? Why those people who know her didn't show up? Is it not important anymore as they aren't close now even though they had been close before?

From there, I deduce, just be there. No words would ever comfort the grief enough, but being there made a whole lot of difference. And it doesn't matter if you are close before or now, it's a show of respect to the deceased and the huge moral support of being there in existence make the difference to the ones who are still living. I could be wrong, but I am certainly sure I am so glad I made it home that Saturday night. Just not brave enough to step up to give a tribute to him. Because I believe noone would understand what I would be talking about either as it would be totally drown in sobs.

RIP, Uncle Paul (as affectionately known by his nephews)