Suddenly God says Hello!

Yesterday morning, I was supposed to meet a friend up for breakfast at our usual eating joint. She flew plane last minute and that left me filling up my tummy alone on a fine morning. After a quick dash at it, I then proceeded to go about in my once-weekly task.

The mangoes were abundant everywhere. woohoo~ my saliva was drooling seeing those 3kg waterlily mangoes for RM10 already. Walked around, browsed around, bargained around and finally got 3 bags full of good raw food to last for another week. Stopped by another joint for fresher and cheaper seafood stuffs and a good, juicy, fat-less malaikai.

I then realized I have a sms on my way home. It's from an ex-coursemate during varsity days and a penangite, she's moving back to her own hometown after several years harassing KL folks. So, she invited me to her place to take any books or cds from her since she can't be taking everything back. I replied her yes, I would be there at 11.30, half an hour to get the lunch cooked and then, hang around at her place for an hour before going over to pick meimei. Plan's good.

I got to know she moved back to penang earlier via FB but it didn't strike me that anything's wrong. When she opened her door for me, it just hit me there and then that maybe something is not quite right. I was getting a bit panicky and asked her if she's ok. She asked me to be seated first and she'll tell me about it. Oh dear! That was enough to know something is terribly wrong somewhere.

She then took off her scarf and showed me her bald head and still keeping my fingers crossed hoping it's not what I think it is, she told me she has breast cancer. For a second, I tried to think hard what should my appropriate response should look like, but the next, I just kept shaking my head and said "OMG, OMG, OMG", tears welling up in my eyes. That's not quite a cool thing to do, hoh?

She comforted me back and said sorry that she alarmed me but really, I think I should be the one to comfort her. Felt so guilty.

She's a friend who's quite special in her own ways. Though not as close as some, once in a long while, we do chat up and we "keep" our friendship at heart. I know that it's a mutual feeling. All these years while both of us in KL, the times we met up were

1. she came over for dinner at my home and I still can remember she kept complimenting me on my cooking and how delicious it is. (notice I use the present tense!)

2. Once, we bumped into each other in Midvalley and we went to Starbucks for a short chat.

3. The other time, years ago, she invited me to a pre-screening of a documentary she made and for which she won an award. She's good!

And we promised that we would catch up again soon, one day. Just the one day that I take for granted. And now, she's going back to Penang for good. And it would be even harder for the "one day" to happen. In the condition she's having now as well. I felt so awful.

We chatted. She was open and we discussed about the diet, the chances, the treatments, the future. More importantly, she told me how she feel about life now. I guess it's all too cliche to hear it - live life's to the fullest, enjoy everything you do, cherish the people around - but hearing it so close to me then, my heart reached all out. I'm reminded to remember that.

She said she doesn't know how to pack her stuffs home. She said when and if she dies, nothing, not one single thing would mean anything for her then. So she thought, might as well, give them to friends where it might still be a bit of value. Yet again, there are just things that hold so much memories and she just can't let them go, not just yet. I could only nod my head.

Honestly, I really do not know what to do, what to say. To reassure her that everything's will be fine? How can I know that when the doctors might not even be able to answer that for her? To tell her to take care of herself and bla nag bla? I think she would be tired hearing all those too. To tell her that she has lived a good life and not to fear death? NO!! How can I be so negative when she needs all the positive vibes she needed right now? And even more selfishly, I did think about myself, since we both at the same age, should I be worried and go for a check up as well?

I left her place feeling groggy, like just being drugged. And it just went on for the whole day, feeling rather sad to see this happening to a dear friend whom I had a good time with at times in USM. Yes, she was quite someone special indeed. And kind too.

I let the kids do their own stuffs, being very exceptionally lenient for the day. Then, the normal routine and after tugging them to bed, I sat down to look at the visual diary I took home from her. She asked me to write or draw something for her, it's her visitors' book.

I turned the pages slowly, one after another, reading her own account what happened on surgery day, what she felt etc. Her friends drew a sketch on the bedroom where they were in, and there were some jokes thrown here and there. It was really heartwarming.

I tried my best to give her a nice sunset masterpiece, with her walking on the beach, but yeah, it was real yucky. I think she would appreciate my piece of art though. Then I scribbled some words of encouragement, and that's when I found out my handwriting has gone from very-yauying to incomprehensible shit. Yet again, I convinced myself she would appreciate my piece of art also. Then I told myself I had to stop even though I began to start enjoying myself. Yeah, you know how naggy I can be.

Well, I guess this is life. This is the survival game. All these challenges are becoming real as we are approaching old age. I reminding you now too to enjoy life's each day.

Visiting her with a friend tomorrow and I'm bringing heaps of "warmest regards" from others to her. Hope this won't be the last.