Me the failed mom.

I always believed "spare the rod, spoil the child". My mom had always been stern when it came to discipline, but she had added lots of love and care too while my brothers and I were well behaved.

As such, the cane is one essential discipline tool in my child disciplinary program.

But now I realised, what Jo-N says here about the negative effects of using the cane is apparently very true. She says "Now, I understand that by showing anger myself and by scolding and spanking, I am actually teaching my children that they too could scold and beat their brother and sister when something does not sit right with them"

My 1st son, I observed, had been yelling at his little brother and sister more often when things are in the way for him. Ironically, I saw myself in him when he yelled at them.

Then, lately, my 2nd son's teacher told me he had been playing very "roughly" with his peers, pulling their hair, beating them and even biting them. Jeez, that was rather terribly awful feeling when his teacher told me about his progress. I felt I was the failed and badly performed mother, who hadn't used the right approach in bringing them up and the one to be blamed instead.

Parenting is really such a skillful and complicated art. Sometimes I would think children are children, they are perfectly normal when they run or fight or create some mischief.

Discipline and use the "stick" while not teaching them to be violent bullies. Love and use the "carrot" while not spoiling them to ends. Giving freedom while guiding them to use it wisely and smartly. Protecting them while instilling independence and cognitive thinking. Whoosh! Can someone take over these roles while I just play and sayang them?

Sigh! No way out. I have to keep on learning to become a better parent myself. Though it's harder than working on anything else (much much harder) and needs a lot of effort and time, I am sure its more rewarding than anything else. I'm looking forward for that moment.